


In Any Other World

by OnceUponADestiel (Jems_of_Grace)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Bakery, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Bookshop, Castiel & Dean Winchester - Freeform, Castiel/Dean Winchester - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Panic, Human Castiel, Jealous Castiel, Jealous Dean, Little bit of angst, M/M, Mild Angst, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, POV Sam, Pining Castiel, Pining Dean, Romantic Fluff, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Smut, Top!Cas, alternative universe, bottom!Dean, cas/dean, dean/cas - Freeform, of bakers and bookshops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-17 09:48:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2305385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jems_of_Grace/pseuds/OnceUponADestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester owns a bakery. He thinks he is perfectly content until someone buys the old shop opposite and opens a book store. After that, everything changes...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bookshop

Dean was just finishing setting out the display case when the view from across the street caught his eye. The old shop, which had finally sold a couple of months ago, had finally opened. He could see the open sign swinging slightly on the door as though only moments ago someone had flipped it.

Excellent. New neighbours.

It wasn't that he didn't like his old neighbours but it was always refreshing to see a new face amidst the familiar crowd. Dean planned on popping in there on his lunch break so that he could welcome them to the neighbourhood.

He looked back down at the display case, proudly surveying the freshly baked cherry pie at its centre. Maybe he could take some with him... After a seconds thought he groaned inwardly - he was starting to sound like a soccer mom... He shook his head wearily - he was giving this situation _way_ too much thought. He put it out of his mind for a while as he went back into the kitchen to clean up before the first customers arrived.

 

-

 

_An hour earlier_

 

Castiel walked to his new shop with a spring in his step.He was excited to be opening up for the first time having spent the last week and a half preparing. Finally he'd be able to raise the shutters and flip the _closed_ sign to _open_.

At the top of the street was an old tavern called The Roadhouse which all the other shops led down from. He looked with some interest at the other shops on his way, passing Talbot's Auction House with barely a glance but focusing on the windows of the ones he could see inside of. He decided that he had moved into a nice neighborhood. Quaint little shops such as Garth's Candy Emporium and Meg's Ice-Cream Parlour were mixed in with shops such as a fashion boutique and a pet store. There was even a joke shop: _Spangler and Zeddmore! Quality Jokes_. At the end of the street there was an old building which served as the bank for the small town. In Castiel's opinion, it was pretty perfect. A bookshop would fit right in. The most amazing thing in Castiel's opinion was that there wasn't one there already. 

He got a perfect view of his new shop in all its glory from this side of the street _The Old Angels Book Shop for Rare and Unusual Books_ read the deep blue sign clearly from across the street, Old Angels picked out in silver. He felt pride building up inside him as he started to cross the street but before he had set his first foot down onto the road, a delicious smell caught his nose and he found himself turning around as he unconsciously tried to seek the smell out.

Behind him stood what looked like a small bakery with a café at the front. He didn't know how he had neglected to notice it through all the back and forth motions he had been making to and from his new shop since he had bought it a couple of months back but somehow his eyes must have slid right over it. It seemed impossible now with the wide windows revealing tables and chairs inside and a green and white striped canopy folded out front. Not to mention that tantalizing smell drifting through the open window. Castiel breathed in deeply... cherries... and pastry... it was heavenly.

He glanced up at the name above the door _Winchesters' Family Bakers_. Well, it wasn't open yet but maybe he could pop in at lunch time if he could spare a half-hour or so...

 

-

 

Alas, it wasn't to be. Lunch time came and went and Castiel was surprised to find just how busy it could be in a small town book shop. Considering that before today the small town had done without a book shop altogether, it was surprising how many people were in desperate need of a good book. On top of that he had polite (and often times nosy) visits from his new neighbors, wishing to make his acquaintance. As such, Castiel found himself completely run off his feet. 

'Hey, new neighbor,' spoke a deep and unfamiliar voice from the door, the bell ringing delicately as he stepped over the threshold. Castiel looked up feeling slightly exasperated now and wondering if he should say something but then he caught sight of the man who had entered and words pretty much failed him altogether. 

The man walking towards him had to be in about his mid thirties with short cut, sandy brown hair a strong jaw line and the kind of smile that could end wars. _And maybe start a few too,_ thought Castiel as the stranger approached him.

'Dean Winchester,' he said by way of greeting. He leaned one arm across the counter top and Castiel noticed he was holding a small cardboard box in one hand. 'Me and my brother own the bakery opposite.' He was dressed quite simply, faded blue jeans and a plaid shirt which didn't entirely fail to mask what seemed to be a stunning physique beneath the thin material. Castiel tried hard not to stare. He blinked several times and forced himself to keep his eyes fixed firmly on the man's face. Although he had to admit, he would be lying if he tried to deny that that wasn't equally as rewarding an experience. His eyes were an unusually warm shade of green, like nothing Castiel had ever seen before and after about a minute - maybe a minute and a half - Castiel realized that he still hadn't said anything. The pair had just been starring at each other and the awkwardness was growing steadily. It was more than a little bit embarrassing, he hadn't even smiled back yet. 

Castiel attempted to give Dean a warm smile in return but it came out as more of a grimace.

Dean saw the discomforted smile and thought he must be in some kind of pain. He was beginning to feel pretty uncomfortable himself.

Dean had been surprised when he walked into the newly adorned bookshop. It was quite small but had been fitted with floor to ceiling pine shelves which ran around every wall. There were pale blue tiles on the floor. The counter was pine with an old fashioned looking till and a ledger for handwritten receipts. And somehow, despite the fact that every available surface, nook and cranny was overstuffed with a vast array of books, the whole place had a light homely feel that somehow gave off an illusion of spaciousness which Dean quite liked.

He had been even more surprised to find that its proprietor was probably about the same age as himself. Somehow he had expected someone older. The man behind the counter had dark hair, almost black, a light shadowing of stubble across his jaw and chin and when he looked up at the door, Dean saw that he had startlingly blue eyes which seemed to pierce through him, giving Dean the immediate and disconcerting impression that this guy could see into his soul. _I mean, jeeze, what's his problem... why's he staring so much?_

And so that's how they first met, that's how it all began. With both men unable to look away from the others gaze and thinking self-deprecating thoughts about himself...

'I'm Castiel,' he said after what felt like an age, still not quite managing to smile.

'Castiel?' Dean repeated back to him. _Well, that's different..._ Castiel didn't say anything so Dean hurriedly tried to break the somewhat awkward silence. 'Um, so... yeah, I brought you some pie.'

'What?'

'Yeah man, cherry pie! Freshly baked. I made it myself this morning.' He pushed the small cardboard box across the counter to him seeming genuinely proud. Castiel felt his thoughts towards the man, soften. He realised he'd probably been behaving a little hostile towards him up until now and found himself giving him a warm genuine smile in return.

'Thank you, that's very thoughtful of you. I haven't eaten yet and I was just starting to realise that I wouldn't have time. So it's much appreciated...' He was gabbling now and he knew it but Dean didn't seem to mind. If anything he looked relieved that the tension had finally lifted.

'Well, dig in. Don't let me stop you.' So Castiel opened up the box and looked for a second at the beautifully made golden pastry sprinkled with crystals of sugar. He could see the rich red of the cherry syrup oozing out around the edges and had to stop himself from licking his lips in anticipation. He dug in wholeheartedly with the plastic fork which accompanied the pie, almost groaning out loud as the perfect combination of sour cherries and crumbly pastry hit his taste buds. Dean watched him and was slightly amused by the way Castiel's eyes widened as he began to chew - anyone would think he'd never eaten pie before...

'Mm, that... that's good... really good.'

'I'm glad you like it.' Dean looked away, not sure why he had a sudden urge to leave. He glanced at Castiel but he seemed far too engrossed in his cherry pie to notice. 'So, um... I need to get back to the bakery,' which wasn't entirely true, he could have spared a few more minutes. He made a quick dart towards the door. 'I'll see you around...' and with barely more that a backwards glance, Dean made a hasty exit.

Castiel looked up in surprise at the suddenly empty shop. He had wanted to thank him again, the pie had been so good but Dean had seemed suddenly preoccupied. _Ah, well. I'm sure I'll see him again..._ he thought before returning to filing away some misplaced books which had caught his attention.

 


	2. The Bakery

A week or so went by. Castiel was having a quiet day in the book shop and having neglected to buy bread recently, decided that he would close up shop for lunch and head over to the bakers opposite for a bite to eat. He sighed regretfully as he swung the sign to _closed_. If a customer turned up now, he would loose their business, which he couldn't really afford but there was nothing else to be done, he was too hungry to work on an empty stomach. 

Castiel opened the door to the bakery, breathing deeply as the enticing smell of freshly baked cakes floated around him. The café was light and airy and the light hearted chatter and the soft clinking of cutlery gave off a surprisingly peaceful atmosphere. The floor was tiled in dark green and white and the long glass counter had a vast array of different cakes and pastries displayed beneath it. There were a few more cakes on top on white ceramic cake stands under glass bell jars. Everything looked delicious. Large black chalk boards on the wall behind the counter had the days specials and a list of drinks written up in a curly font. 

He starred wistfully at the cakes, paying particular attention to a large apple pie in the centre of the display, remembering the cherry one with relish. Then he ordered a coffee and some kind of savoury pastry from the bleary eyed Asian boy behind the counter. He smiled politely enough but Castiel honestly thought the boy seemed half-asleep. 

He figured he might just have to take a slice of that pie back to the shop with him afterwards...

He took a window seat which gave him a perfect view out at his own little shop. From here he could spy out if anyone tried to enter or not. A few people passed by and glanced in the window but no one seemed inclined to buy a book today. He sighed inwardly thinking that maybe he should take on some part time help, after all he needed to eat and there would be other days when he might need to run errands and visit other book dealers...

His sister, Anna, might know someone. She owned the florists next door to his own shop. It had been her idea that he buy the shop in the first place. 

Castiel bit into the flaky pastry and was pleasantly surprised to find it stuffed full of Emmental and Chedder cheese and embedded with sautéed mushrooms. There was some kind of pale yellow sauce running through it too which moistened the whole thing and tasted amazing!

 

-

 

Dean had pretty much managed to put the bookshop out of his head over the last week. For some reason it had left him feeling slightly unsettled and he hadn't been keen on exploring that odd feeling any further. He couldn't understand it. He had always been confidant, even outgoing in social settings so to suddenly find himself feeling crippled with some kind of anxiety... well, it was new for him.

So when he saw Castiel sitting in his bakery, eating one of the pastries he had made himself less than an hour earlier, he felt himself freeze over. And what was that? _Is my heart friggin' beating faster? What the hell's that about?_ Castiel seemed to sense his gaze and looked up at him.  _Pull yourself together, man,_ he told himself sternly.

Dean waved a hand and smiled in silent greeting before attending to a new customer and Castiel went back to his coffee and thoughts of his bookshop. Castiel had seemed a little unsure to Dean and he guessed he had been caught starring. He busied himself with the new customer, thinking hurriedly to himself,  _you've got to get over this!_ and decided that the best approach would be to 'face-the-fear' as it were and he found himself approaching Castiel as soon as there was a break in the line of customers.

When Castiel looked up again, Dean was stood next to his table, smiling down at him. 'Hey.'

'Hey, yourself. You seem busy.'

'Yeah, always the same this time of day. How about you? How's it going over the road?'

'Oh, you know. Some days are busier than others.' Dean nodded apparently interested but Castiel just assumed he was being extremely polite. 'Thank you again for the pie, the other day. It really was delicious.'

'Yeah, don't mention it.'

'And this pastry thing is really good too.'

'You think so? I changed it slightly this time, added some hollandaise 'cause I thought it was a little dry last time. It's not too rich?'

'No, not at all. It's really good,' he repeated lamely. 'Not at all dry,' he said feeling his mouth dry up slightly. He hurriedly took a large gulp of his coffee. Dean nodded thoughtfully as though he genuinely valued Castiel's opinion. Neither said anything for a moment whilst Castiel finished his drink.

'Well, I'd better get back, customers y'know.' Dean nodded towards the counter.

'Yeah, sure. I was thinking of getting some of the apple pie. Is it as good as the cherry?'

Dean smiled widely, for the first time seeming truly comfortable. 'It might be even better,' he gave a suggestive eyebrow wiggle and Castiel felt that something inside of him, melt a little further. He took the pie, boxed up, back to the shop with him feeling a little flustered. He knew that feeling and it never boded well.

For some reason Dean had insisted on giving him the pie 'on the house' as he had put it. Castiel broke open the box as soon as he reached his counter and dug in enthusiastically. 'Oh wow,' he said aloud to the empty shop. Dean hadn't been lying. Thick slices of caramel apple, cinnamon and that beautiful pastry again. It really was even better than the cherry. Castiel thought he might have to make visits to the bakery into a regular thing.

 


	3. Relax

As time went past, Castiel found himself sitting in the bakery every Friday lunch time for his weekly treat. He savoured a variety of baked goods with his black coffee and then always took a sweet treat back to the shop with him. He didn't speak to Dean again and Dean didn't approach him. He always seemed very busy and besides, Castiel didn't mind avoiding that particular awkwardness.

Dean on the other hand was _markedly_ avoiding the bookshop owner. Every Friday without fail, he would catch sight of him sitting in that same window seat. Coffee in one hand, savoury pastry in the other. Every Friday without fail, he would take away a slice of pie, or cake or brownie or whatever the special of the day was... and it was driving Dean insane.

There was just something about the way he seemed to measure everything up with deliberate and honest seriousness, even the trivial things. Something about the blue eyes piercing through him that made him feel exposed, maybe even judged. And yet he seemed to be the nicest person in the world. He always talked to Kevin when he was behind the counter and he really liked his pie!

And Dean couldn't help watching him every time he came over, hiding in the sidelines. He would busy himself with other customers but only half-heartedly, as his attention was on the dark haired man by the window. He couldn't understand it, he'd never had a reaction quite like this to anyone before...

On one particular Friday, Kevin had called in sick so he'd had to ask Charlie to cover his shift. He was in the kitchen, finishing off some double chocolate cookies, ready to take out when he heard a familiar rough low voice.

'Hello, could I have the mushroom, broccoli and Stilton pie please. Oh and a cup of coffee.'

'Yeah, sure,' came Charlie's sing song voice. 'How'd you take your coffee?'

'Um...' the deep voice mumbled, apparently unsure himself and Dean found himself smiling in spite of himself. 'I like it black, no sugar.'

'That's great.' Dean could hear Charlie bustling around behind the counter. 'Is there anything else I can get you?'

'No, no... that'll be all for now... but I might come back for one of those fruit flapjacks.' Dean smiled.

'Sure thing. They're really good - apricot and white chocolate!' Dean waited a moment and then pushed through the door he'd been standing behind with the cookie tray. He watched Castiel's retreating back, his long beige overcoat swinging side to side, as he made a beeline for his usual window seat. Charlie caught sight of him stood in the door way. 'Hey, want me to get those for you?'

'What?' asked Dean, glancing at Charlie - he'd half forgotten about the cookies.'Yeah, um sure...' he handed over the tray and Charlie went to sort them in the display case. When she came back, Dean was still stood in the doorway, apparently staring into space.

'You okay?'

'What?' he asked again. 'Oh, yeah. I'm fine...' but he didn't move and he wasn't looking at her. Charlie turned to stare in the direction he was looking at. She did a double take, this time carefully following Dean's eye line.

'Are you staring at that guy in the window?'

'What? No!' he sounded defensive and he knew it. He forced himself to look away from Castiel and stared determinately at Charlie instead.

'Okay, calm down... it just kind of looked like you were, is all...'

'Yeah, well. I wasn't. Why would I be looking at that,' and he looked again at Castiel, gesturing slightly, 'holy freakin' tax accountant for anyway?'

'Um... I dunno,' said Charlie with a smile. Dean was starring at him again. 'He's kind of hot, if you like that kind of thing... '

Dean turned to stare at her a little shocked, 'I don't like that kind of thing!' he sounded a bit panicked but Charlie knew better than to interfere. This was something Dean would have to work out for himself. 

 

-

 

'Hey, Dean.'

'Hey there, Sammy.' Dean had just finished cleaning up the kitchen for the end of the day and was about to pull the shutters down when his phone had started ringing. 'What's up?'

'Um, so I kind of ordered a book from that new bookshop opposite and it's meant to be in today - any chance you could pick it up? I only remembered like three seconds ago and I was kinda hoping to read it over the weekend whilst I've got five minutes, you know...' Dean froze. 'So can you? _Please?_ '

Dean tried to buy for time - he would give pretty much anything to not see Castiel again today. 'Um, y'know he's prob'ly shutting up shop now too...' he trailed off lamely as he glanced through the window but the door sign across the street still proclaimed 'open'.

'Yeah, I know, Dean. That's why I'm calling you and not coming down myself!'

'Okay, okay. You don't have to be a bitch about it.' So that's how Dean found himself swinging his own door sign to closed, quickly locking the door and dashing across the street.

Sure enough, as soon as he got there, he saw Castiel's face coming into view behind the glass. When he saw Dean, he paused on the other side of the door, key in hand, half way towards the lock. Dean smiled nervously. The door opened.

'Hello, Dean.' Always so formal, but clearly confused. 'How can I help you?'

'Um, my brother just called, something about a book he ordered?' Castiel opened the door a little wider and started walking back into his shop. 'Sorry about this, I know you're closing and everything...'

'It's no problem. I'm in no rush.' Dean followed Castiel to the counter were he was fumbling through a notebook. 'What's your brother's name?'

'Sammy. Sam Winchester...'

'Ah, yes,' he said pausing down his list. 'That book came in just this morning...' he ducked down behind the counter and started sorting through some books before coming up with one in hand. 'Here you are. He has already paid for it.'

'Great! Thanks, Cas...' Dean said taking the proffered book. Castiel starred at Dean briefly  _Cas?_ But he didn't mind it really. Meanwhile Dean was fumbling through his own thoughts, trying to find something to say to the blue eyed man with the windswept hair.  _I mean, what's with that? How can he get windswept hair when he spends all day inside...?_ Dean was thinking incredulously, forgetting he was starring. 'So, are you open all week?' Why was he even asking that?

'Yes, every day. Although I close early on Sundays.'

'Yeah, same here.' _Wow, I must sound like a complete dweeb._

'Do you read at all?'

'Um, yeah!' Dean said, grinning broadly. Books, duh! The easiest thing to talk to a book shop proprietor about. 'I mean, sometimes... when I've got time.'

Castiel sighed sadly 'That's what a lot of people say...'

Dean could not stand the dejected look on Cas's face. 'I really liked ' _On the Road'_ by Jack Kerouac and some of the poems in ' _Howl'_ by Allen Ginsberg.' Cas seemed a little skeptical.

'Really?'

'Yeah!' and Dean launched into one of his theories behind Kerouac's work. Castiel starred, he hadn't expected this. Good looks were one thing for a small town baker but emotional intelligence too? It was almost unheard of... 'Are you all right, man?'

' _All right?_ _'_ Castiel repeated, almost as though he was unfamiliar with the expression. 'Yes...I am quite all right. Are you all right, Dean?' It was Dean's turn to stare slightly open mouthed. What was going on here?

Dean forced his mouth closed but couldn't quite bring himself to smile. 'I'm fine, Cas,' and he didn't really know why but he suddenly felt angry with the book dealer. 'Look - will you just _relax_ for two seconds?'

'Relax?' repeated Castiel, tilting his head slightly to one side, apparently confused. 'I am perfectly relaxed.' Dean starred at Castiel and gave a small gulp  _who does that?_ and how was he doing this to him?

'You're relaxed? Right...' Dean stole a quick glance at him again. 'So how come every time I see you, I feel on edge?' wow, he hadn't meant to admit that!

'On... edge...? I'm not sure... It has never been my intention to make you feel uncomfortable.'

'Look - will you just... I mean, I've never-' but the words wouldn't come and he felt a little lost. Dean bent down over the counter, hands over his face. He seemed so confused and Castiel, who wasn't quite sure what was going on himself found himself squatting down next to Dean. He wanted to reach out, put a reassuring hand on his shoulder but he wasn't sure if that was really appropriate, after all, he barely knew the man and the last thing he wanted to do was make things even more uncomfortable by overstepping any boundaries.

Dean closed his eyes against the palms of his hands - he had never behaved like this in front of anyone before, not even Sammy. But he felt so confused and a little helpless - he wasn't sure if he could hold it together any more. Somehow, Castiel invading his personal space was more reassuring than Dean would have thought, he even found himself, instinctively wanting to lean into him but he resisted. For Cas it was enough that he at least didn't lean away. 'You know, I would prefer it if you didn't feel so uncomfortable around me.' 

Dean parted his fingers and stared back at Castiel's face, so close to his, resting slightly on the counter top. 'Yeah? Why's that?' he wasn't sure what he was expecting but was a little nervous of the answer. Maybe he would say something about them being neighbors and would see each other regularly whether they liked it or not. For some reason, that was not what Dean wanted to hear.

But he didn't say anything like that. As always he was quite blunt, straight to the point. He said in his gravelly voice, 'I like you.'

Dean starred at Cas. He could feel all kinds of sensations going on inside of himself right now. He could feel tingles running up his spine and his heart was beating ten to the dozen. He gave Cas a small nervous smile. 'Yeah? I like you too, man,' but it was slowly starting to dawn on him that how he felt about Castiel, somewhat surpassed 'like'. Cas gave Dean a small smile and a thought passed through Dean's head which he quickly stomped on - _I fuckin' do_ not _want to kiss him!_ He was kind of appalled by how much his own head had just betrayed him. He quickly scrambled through the mess of his thoughts for something familiar. 'Look, do you wanna do something sometime, outside of work? I'm sure I'd feel a lot more comfortable if I got to know you better.' It was a long shot and he knew it -  _I mean, I barely know the guy._ But something inside his head was still begging,  _please say yes, please say yes..._

'Something? What kind of something?'

Great! Because a straight forward, yes or no was apparently too much to ask for. 'Um, I dunno. Drinks at The Roadhouse, maybe? I dunno if you've been in there yet but it's a pretty cool bar and a lot of people who work around here like to go in there to chill in the evening.' Dean found himself nodding enthusiastically whilst simultaneously his brain was now screaming  _THIS IS A BAD IDEA!!!_

'Yes. That would be acceptable. To 'chill' there.' He said the last words as though he didn't fully comprehend their meaning. But Dean didn't care, to his intense embarrassment he found his heart soaring.

 


	4. Always Hope

Dean was feeling really nervous and he wasn't even sure why.  _I mean, it's not like this is a freakin' date or anything..._

The two men had agreed to meet after work on Friday. Dean once again found himself hiding in the kitchen around the time he knew Cas would be over for his lunch, so he hadn't really seen him since the previous week, unless you count his frequent glances through the shop window. He'd caught the back of his head a few times and the odd look here and there of pink lips and a flash of blue eyes. Dean wasn't even sure that he could really see the colour from this distance, he might be imagining it but they were really _seriously_ blue... He had been feeling quite pleased with himself for daring to ask Cas to hang out with him at all. He was optimistic in his daydreams, imagining it would be plain sailing the minute they sat down with beers. 

But now he was closing shop, he was starting to really regret his rash decision to ask Castiel to hang out with him.  _Just hanging out for drinks, perfectly platonic..._ So why was he feeling on the verge of a panic attack again? The last time he remembered his heart beating that hard, he was still a virgin. Dean snorted, _okay... so I'm not going to think about that!_

He pulled the shutters down and swung the door sign to closed before he did a quick check of the kitchen and if he paused when he passed the reflective surface of the microwave, then it was only to reassure himself that he didn't have flour on his face or anything. Not that he hadn't already checked half a dozen times and not that he was desperate to look good or anything... 

He opened the door and turned around to lock it when he felt a tingling sensation over his shoulder as though he was being watched. He glanced over, thinking he was being paranoid but had to do a double take when he caught sight of Castiel stood there.  _What the hell?_ How had he managed to sneak up on him so fast?

Cas, for his part, looked completely unabashed. He hadn't intended to startle Dean, quite the contrary. It was just bad timing really.

Dean tried not to appear too flustered. 'Oh, hey Cas...' he also couldn't help giving the other man a quick look up and down. Just to be sure that he wasn't wearing anything weird or something. (I mean, he was totally  _not_ checking Cas out or anything because that would be so gay which Dean Winchester was  _not,_ thank you very much...)But he was simply dressed in his usual getup of smart attire, complete with blue tie and long beige trench coat. 

They headed awkwardly up the street together, barely saying a word, other than politely asking each other how their weeks had been. Dean showed Cas into The Roadhouse a little nervously and headed straight to the bar. He introduced Cas to the woman who was working there. Her name was Ellen and she smiled pleasantly at Cas, who gave her a small smile in return. She gave Dean a curious glance which he seemed to deliberately ignore. He ordered some beers and glanced around the bar looking to see if there was anyone around that he knew. A dark haired, gloomy faced man sat on a stool at the bar, raised his nearly empty glass and said 'Hiya, Dean,' in what Cas thought was a British accent. 

'Hey,' he said back but neither attempted to prolong the conversation further than that.

Dean and Castiel took some seats towards the back of the bar. Dean seemed quite at home and Castiel wondered if he spent a lot of time here. He found himself voicing his question aloud. 'Oh, you know, now and then...' Cas sipped his drink nervously, whilst by contrast Dean took large gulps. Things were feeling pretty awkward again and for some reason, Castiel found himself determined to rectify that. He wasn't normally one for opening up conversations but he cast around for something he could say which might break the mounting tension. 

'Did your brother like his book?'

'Mmm, yeah. I think so. Didn't see him all weekend after I dropped the book off on Friday, anyways... guess he was holed up reading it...' Dean was relieved that Castiel was making an effort to begin the conversation and he had at least hit upon a topic that Dean could expand on. 'He doesn't get a lot of time to break during the week so I guess he was trying to read it all in one sitting or somethin'' Castiel nodded but he really didn't know how to proceed from this point, luckily Dean wasn't finished. 'He was always like that though, keeping busy with school and stuff, y'know...' he sounded melancholic.

'You said, you own the bakery with him?'

'Yeah, we're joint owners 'cause its been passed down to us. Mom and Dad bought it and ran it before we were born. Mom died in a house fire when Sammy was only a baby.'

'I'm sorry to hear that.'

'Yeah... Dad kinda lost it after that. Drank a lot. He showed me the family business from an early age but there was always somethin' missing from him, y'know. Anyways, I ended up having to take care of Sammy a lot myself.'

'That must have been hard for you.'

'I guess... but it's all I knew so I dunno...' Castiel felt waves of empathy towards Dean the more he talked about his family. It rang so familiar to his own story. 'Sam did well at school. He was never interested in working in the bakery. He went to college and then dad kinda went AWOL. He turned up months later in some hospital on the other side of the country. Anyway, he didn't live long after that...' Dean paused starring hard at his glass. He never talked about this to anyone, not even Sam. Why was he telling Castiel who was basically a complete stranger? But he carried on, getting to the worst part because for some inexplicable reason, he felt comfortable talking to him about this. 'Sammy felt really guilty - he shouldn't a done, don't get me wrong but he kind of fell a part for a while. Stopped going to college. He got into some real hard ass drugs and it was like I barely even knew him any more... Anyways he got help eventually and now he's like practising law or something on the other side of town... You'd never guess all that happened to look at him.' Castiel thought Dean sounded proud now and he found himself smiling unthinkingly. 

'So he hasn't been in any trouble for some time?'

'No, god no. Nothing like that... I mean, there's his girlfriend...' Dean grimaced.

'You don't like her?'

'Fuck, no.' Castiel was surprised by this strong reaction. 'He was with her when he was messed up on god knows what. She was always drugged out of her mind too. They broke up when he was in rehab but for some stupid reason, he's got it in his head that he loves her now. These days she owns the occult shop on Thorne Street?' Cas knew that this was one of the side streets which led off from the street that their shops were on. He nodded, 'and I haven't got a problem with _that_ but I swear, there's something about her that I just can't trust, y'know...'

'You suspect that she is still a drug addict?' 

'I'm not sure, maybe. But either way, that girl dabbles in stuff that no one should...' He sounded quite sure of himself but Castiel wondered if it was more likely his protective brotherly instincts overshadowing any actual truth. Though there was also a sense that Dean was holding something back, almost like he thought he had said too much. He abruptly changed the subject, drawing the conversation onto Castiel. 'You got any brothers or sisters?' Castiel blinked as though having to think about that for a second.

'Yes. I come from a somewhat large family. Three older brothers and a sister. Lots of cousins...' he added as an after thought.

'Huh... so you're the youngest? You close to them?'

'Um,' Cas didn't really know how to answer. His family had always been complicated at best. 'Sometimes,' he seemed so unsure of his own answer that Dean found himself chuckling quietly. 

'Well that sounds complicated,' he took a swig of his drink.

'Yes, it is... My brother Gabriel, well I don't even really know  _where_ he is. Last time I heard from him he was somewhere in Thailand, I think... Balthazar travels around the country a lot too. I guess you could call them both wild cards.'

'Gabriel, Balthazar and Castiel? Wow, your parents sure knew how to pick unusual names didn't they?'

'I suppose. My mother was very religious. She chose our names after angels from some obscure book in the bible. Then there's Anna. Well, we have a bit of an up and down relationship too, she ran away from home a long time ago and I don't really feel like I know her all that well any more although we were quite close as children. You might know her actually. She owns the florist next door to my shop,' Dean, who had just been taking a swig of beer, spluttered and stared widely at Cas. 'She was the one who recommended I-' but he stopped at the look on Dean's face. 'What's wrong?'

'Anna's your sister?'

'Yes. That is what I said...' he cocked his head on one side. 'Do you know her?'

'Oh, um... just in passing, y'know...' Well that was a blatant lie. He wondered if Anna would tell Cas the truth. That they had dated, briefly and disastrously. _Yeah, she was off her rocker, that one_ and he shook his head to rid himself of one particular horrible memory her name invoked. Cas was frowning but he didn't press the topic any further. 'What about your dad? Wait, didn't you say you have three older brothers?'

'I did have.'

'Oh.' Well that was ominous.

'My dad left not long after I was born but I have been led to believe that he was a very demanding man and not easily satisfied. He left our mother with nothing but some vague kind of plan for our futures which she determined to follow through with even when it lacked any sense..... He had planned careers for each of us. Michael was the oldest of us. He and Gabriel were supposed to go into the church... Me and Balthazar were supposed to lead successful military careers... Anna was supposed to marry well and have a brood of children. '

'You're kidding?' It sounded like something from the middle ages.

Castiel shook his head. 'None of us were particularly adept in our pre-chosen life paths. When he was nineteen, Michael jumped off the top of a five storey building. Needless to say, he didn't survive.'

'That's awful,' and Dean meant it. He was starting to get a feel for the kind of life Castiel had had and he found himself oddly empathetic towards his experiences. 

'Yes. It was. Anna ran away and mother died not long after. Anna didn't come to the funeral. Gabriel went a bit wild after that and Balthazar got chucked out of the army. After that he started getting into all kinds of trouble with the law. I left the military as soon as I possibly could. I wasn't bad at it but it didn't ever feel like what I wanted to be doing...' he drifted off vaguely and Dean felt like the two of them really had bonded, albeit, over the traumas of their families...

'Well aren't we just a couple of hopeless cases?'

Castiel blinked seriously. 'I don't think so. There's always hope.' Dean found himself starring open mouthed at Castiel. He had never heard anyone say something so corny but with such wilful sincerity. He felt his heart rate start up again but refused to let it take over this time. He really did like Castiel, he realised and he wasn't going to let some stupid man crush get in the way of maintaining a friendship with him.

'Heya, Dean,' a voice interrupted his thought process. He looked up to see a man with a straggly brown beard and flat cap.

'Oh, heya, Benny,' Dean said with a grin. 'Didn't see you when I walked in? '

'Nah, I had a load of paperwork to get through. You gonna introduce me to yah friend here, or what? '

'Oh, yeah. Sorry man, ' Dean turned apologetically to look at Castiel. He caught his eye and maybe starred for a second too long. 'This is Cas,' he said eventually, tearing his eyes away to look back at Benny. 'He's opened that new bookshop on the street.'

'Right, yeah. I know the place.  _'Angels'_ right?'

'Yes,' Castiel confirmed but wasn't keen to continue the conversation. There was something about Benny that didn't sit well with him but he couldn't explain what. 

'So you gonna pull up a seat or what?' Dean asked him much to Castiel's chagrin. 

'Naw,' he answered, to Castiel 's relief. He was looking between them curiously. 'I just came in to talk to Ellen about something. Need to be getting back home to the missus now if y'know what I mean. See ya, Dean.'

He gave them both a warm smile and then headed out the door. Dean starred after his bemused. 'That's not like him.'

'It isn't?' asked Castiel confused. 

'He's normally always up for a laugh is Benny.'

'He is a good friend of yours?'

'What?'  he'd been starring again. 'Yeah, me and Benny go way back. He owns the greengrocers on the street. Y'know 'The Purple Carrot'' Dean chuckled. Cas knew the shop he meant. 'Yeah, he's a good guy, Benny. Always got your back, y'know...'

Castiel didn't know, not really but he didn't say anything. 

'That dude by the bar,' Dean casually pointed out the now drunken British man he had greeted earlier. 'He owns Crowleys Butchers down Thorne Street. He's a bit of a dick. And that girl over there ripping those guys out of their money, playing pool? That's Bela. She owns the auction house. You wanna watch out for that one. I know she's got a pretty face but she'll have all the money out your pockets faster than blinking, soon as you let your guard down. Trust me, I learnt the hard way.' Cas memorised Bela's face and made a mental note to stay away from her. 'There's a whole lot more of us in here usually but guess we picked a quiet night.'

'Yes. Friday's are known for their quietness in bars.' Cas responded sarcastically and Dean smirked.

The rest of the evening continued smoothly enough although both men found themselves starring at the other when they thought the other wouldn't notice. Dean had managed to almost completely relax although he was still very aware of Castiel's presence in a way that he'd never been with his other friends. 

At one point Dean found himself asking, stupidly 'So d'you prefer girls or guys?' and maybe he'd had a little too much to drink by this point but the question had been bothering him for some time and it had been eating him up not being able to find an appropriate time to ask.

Castiel cocked his head to one side in a way that Dean was already coming to consider as being adorable. 'You mean _sexually?_ '

 _Yes,_ thought Dean a little impatiently.  _In what other way could I mean it?_  

But he just nodded and Cas seemed oblivious to his frustration. 'I guess I don't mind. Gender isn't really something I take into consideration when I'm deciding if I like someone in that particular way or not.'

Dean blinked a couple of times, taking that in. He wasn't sure what he thought of it and didn't really have time to process it before Cas was prompting him in return 'What about you?'

'Um,' said Dean, thinking quickly. Why didn't he just say he was straight right away and forestall any unwanted feelings? But Castiel's unconcerned honesty made him feel cheep with the half truth. So instead he said 'Girls,' and then before he could stop himself, blurted out '...mostly...'

Cas just nodded as though this made perfect sense to him and then the subject was dropped in favour of more comfortable territory, as they discussed some of Dean's favoured reading material. 

As the evening drew to a close, they headed out of doors together, both laughing at something stupid Dean had said about his brother. 'Y'know I've enjoyed tonight, man. I was kinda worried after last week.'

'I was somewhat anxious myself,' Castiel admitted. 'However it has been most enjoyable to do something different.'

'Yeah, ' said Dean and they were both starring now, green eyes on blue. It might have been ten seconds or ten minutes, he wasn't sure but he found himself pulling his gaze away and walking back up the street towards his apartment above the bakery. 'I'll see you later, Cas,' he called back over his shoulder. 

Cas smiled, unconcerned by his sudden departure. 'See you later, Dean,' he called out eventually. Dean lifted a hand into the air as he strode off into the distance and then he was gone but Castiel was still smiling.  _Wow, I've got it bad..._  he thought before heading home. 

  


	5. Denial

Although Friday evening had gone well,  Dean found himself spending the rest of the weekend talking himself out of the idea that he could possibly want anything more from Cas than platonic friendship. 

He spent some time with his brother and joked about his new friend from across the street. 

'So he's a nice guy, or what?' Sam asked glancing curiously at his brother. Dean was beginning to wonder why everyone kept giving him that look every time Castiel was mentioned. 

'Yeah, he's a great guy. Just a little serious is all.' He didn't mean to sound so enthusiastic and he wasn't really aware that he did. And if Sam noticed the way Dean's eyes lit up when he spoke about his new friend then he wasn't exactly about to mention it, that would really piss him off.

'So, um... you seeing him again or-'

'Yeah, he works right opposite. How could I not-' Sam watched wearily as something seemed to click into place in his brothers head. 'What the fuck are you thinking, Sam?'

'Um, nothing,' he answered honestly. 'It just seems like you're really into him, is all.'

Dean spluttered, aghast. Wow, Sam caught on fast. ' _Into him?_ ' but Sam changed the subject, leaving Dean to think it through for himself. Not the best of Sam's ideas, as it happens. Dean wasn't good at heart to heart conversations, especially when they were with himself. 

So that's how he proceeded to spend the rest of the day and the day that followed, telling himself that Cas was a nice guy and all but _no_  guy was _that_ nice and he, Dean Winchester, was  _so_ not interested in him in  _that_ way. And Sam could stick his stupid theories where the sun doesn't shine. 

By Monday morning, Dean had managed to convince himself, almost completely, that there was nothing more to it than that. By lunch time he was humming away quite merrily to one of his favorite songs which drifted halfheartedly out of the speakers of his old cassette player, in the kitchen. 

Charlie was on her usual shift today and was busy handing change over to a customer. There was a small que of customers lined up against the counter and Dean quickly scanned through them, seeking out any familiar faces. There was a good mix of strangers and regulars. One woman in particular caught his eye. He thought he might have seen her in here before and even though she was very pretty, he had so far never made a move on her. 

Now however, he desperately needed a distraction, not that he would admit it to himself. He quickly asked Charlie to clear tables whilst he took over the counter. She didn't mind, often Dean worked with her and/or Kevin when he had finished baking for the day, so it was nothing out of the norm. 

When the pretty brunette woman reached the till, she gave the many cakes and pastries a quick glance before ordering some tomato foccacia and a laté. She gave Dean a slight smile and he smiled warmly back as he handed over her drink. 'Just let me know if I can get you anything else,' he said suggestively, making her blush slightly. 

'Oh, don't worry,' she said confidently 'I will do.'

 _There, that was easy,_ Dean thought as he watched her retreating back.  _No nerves, no stupid jumpy heartbeats... Just easy flirtation..._ and he had a grin on his face for the rest of the day. 

The following day, the same woman came in again and Dean made a point of talking to her. By the third day he found himself asking for her name and by the fourth, for her telephone number. By the time Friday rolled around again, Dean was in a very good mood. He had a date for Saturday and he was feeling very pleased with himself. As a bonus, he had only thought about Castiel maybe a hundred times, so that was a huge improvement.

The woman's name was Risa and when she came in at lunchtime on Friday, Dean was in the kitchen. He had asked Kevin to keep a look out for her, so he knew she was there about ten minutes after she arrived. He came out of the kitchen grinning and headed straight over to her usual corner table. He leaned over her and they started chatting quite happily. He was really starting to think that they were developing some kind of rapport.

He was just asking her if she was enjoying her pastry when he suddenly felt a pair of eyes on the back of his head. He immediately tensed up but the prickly feeling only intensified. Dean glanced over his shoulder and sure enough, Castiel was stood at the counter, starring over at him.

It was obvious from Dean's stance that he and Risa were involved in deep flirtation. Dean felt oddly guilty.  _This is stupid, nothing is going on between us!_ But the more Cas starred, the more guilty Dean felt. Dean tried to smile but just then, Cas looked away to take his order from Kevin. He proceeded to his usual window seat. 

Dean realized he had been starring at Cas and turned back to look at Risa who was looking a little bit irritable. 

'Sorry, I just got to... I, err...' but he couldn't summon up a good excuse so he motioned vaguely in Cas's direction and hoped she would understand that he intended to come back. 

'Hey, Cas,' he said in a false nonchalant almost falsetto voice.  _This is stupid,_ he thought again.  _Why am I acting like a boyfriend who's just been caught with his pants down?_ That set his mind off on a completely new tangent and he found himself blushing when he looked again at Cas.

'Hello, Dean,' he responded and Dean wasn't sure if he was imagining the undertones of coldness he heard there. Cas didn't smile but this wasn't particularly unusual for him and to be fair, he was half way through eating one of Dean's miniature spinach, feta and tomato quiches. 

'So how you been? Haven't really seen you since last Friday.' This wasn't entirely true. Dean had been taking his usual sneak peaks through their adjacent shop windows but Cas didn't need to know about that. 'How's the shop?'

'I'm fine. The shop is doing well, ' he answered stoically and boy was Dean feeling guilty now.

'The- the quiche good?'

'Yes. It is most flavorsome.' Dean nodded, struggling for words.There was that awkwardness, back again. Cas seemed to be eating his food faster than normal and was taking large gulps of his coffee in between bites. Dean was just thinking that he was probably imagining things when Castiel stood up abruptly. 'I have to be going now. The shop has been really busy today.'

'Right,' said Dean meekly, for some reason wanting to claw his own eyes out.

'It was nice seeing you again, Dean,' he said formally and then he was gone and Dean was left starring after him, feeling rather stupid. 

A minute went by with him just starring at the closed door and then he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat loudly from behind him. He turned to see Risa picking up her bag, ready to leave. 

'Oh! Sorry I-' he had forgotten all about her.

'Yeah? Whatever, Dean,' and there was no mistaking the coldness in _her_ tone. 'I'll see you around,' and she brushed past him and out of the door. 

Dean went back to the kitchen feeling more than a little mortified. He was guessing that Risa would be a no-show for their date but he found that that didn't really bother him for some reason. 

He knew exactly what he wanted now and denying it any longer was just getting people hurt. He determined to go see Cas at his bookshop sometime over the weekend and somehow attempt to make it up to him. 

 

-

 

When Castiel had seen Dean flirting with the pretty brunette woman in the café, he hadn't been surprised. Disappointed? Maybe. But it certainly didn't shock him.

It was a shame because Dean had really started to grow on him and he had been beginning to think that just  _maybe_ the feeling was mutual. 

He had been wrong however but he wasn't about to let it get to him, he thought as he slammed the drawer back into the till with much unnecessary force. He slammed out the shop, locking the door behind him and determinedly refused to so much as glance across at the bakery opposite. Somewhat gloomily he headed towards his sister's shop next door. 

 _Anna's Flowers_ was written up in gold over an apple green backdrop above the door. Ordinarily, stacks of flowers were displayed outside the door but she had taken them in at closing time. He walked in and the bell rang overhead. He smiled slightly at the sight of her dark red hair, tumbling over her face as she was bent over the counter, apparently adding something up with a pencil. 'We're closed,' she called out without looking up. 

'It's me,' Cas said a little irritably and she did look up then, a tired smile on her face. 

'Oh, Castiel. Didn't realize-' and she bent back down to finish her sums

Castiel had seen his sister a couple of times since he had opened up shop but even though they now worked so close to one another, neither had ventured for regular overlong social calls. Right now, however, Castiel felt a need for some familiar contact. 'I'll be there in a second... gotta add this up for my accountant...' she said vaguely. 

Castiel waited patiently, looking around at the hundreds of flowers. The walls, floor and ceiling were bright white but a rich burst of color came from the vast array of petals. There were stands against every wall, each bedecked with about six cone shaped buckets and there were more buckets spread higgledy piggledy all over the floor, filled to the brim with a rainbow of flowers and the strong heady scents of roses and lilies in particular, hung heavy, though not unpleasantly, in the air. There was hardly any space to move. 

Finally Anna looked up, smiling. 'Sorry about that, what can I do for you today?'

'I just came to say, hello.'

'Really?' she seemed skeptical. 'Well that is out of character for my little brother.' Castiel frowned at first but feeling she was probably right, he dropped it.

'There was one, small, thing.'

'Yes?'

'I was just wondering-' he had been about to ask if she knew anyone looking for part time work but changed direction at the last second. '-how well you know Dean Winchester?' Whatever Anna had been expecting, it wasn't that. Her already pale face, blanched completely. 

'Dean?' she said, a little high pitched. 'What d'you want to know about him for?'

Castiel hesitated, she had sounded a little overly defensive. 'I've talked to him a few times,' he tried to sound offhand but Anna was already narrowing her eyes. '-and I guess I was just curious. I think he said he knows you?'

'Yes,' she said sharply. 'What else did he say?'

'Nothing,' he answered honestly. 'Does he -' and he hesitated to say it for some unknowable reason. 'Do you know if he has a girlfriend at all?'

Anna blinked. 'Not that I know of... not currently.'

'Oh...'

'He doesn't have a boyfriend either, Castiel,' she said as though reading his mind, giving him a knowing smile. She gave a short laugh. 'Imagine that! Dean Winchester with a boyfriend!' Castiel didn't understand what was so far-fetched about the idea but he didn't say anything. 'He's always one for the girls.'

'Oh...'

'We dated for a while,' she said calmly, looking away from her brother.

'Oh, he did not tell me this.'

'Yeah well... it was pretty disastrous. I was kind of going through some stuff at the time... and I was maybe a little hurtful to him... Let's just say he didn't take it too well...' she didn't seem keen on going into detail but was obviously ashamed of her previous actions. 'Anyway, I think we're both  _long_ over that.'

Castiel nodded but Anna's words had done nothing to raise his spirits. 'I think maybe I'll get back home.'

'You okay, Castiel?' she looked worried now so Castiel made an effort to smile. 'I'm tired, that is all- things have been pretty busy at the shop. I was wondering actually,' and he remembered the real reason he was visiting his sister.  '-do you know anybody I might be able to take on part time? Nothing onerous, they would only be working short hours...' Anna considered for a moment. 

'I might know someone. I'll have to get back to you.'

'Yes, well. There is no rush. And you are well, Anna?' he added as an afterthought.

She looked bemused, 'Yes, quite well,' she looked tired though and a little scattered. 'Oh, I was going to say. Aren't you going to move in above your shop?'

'I was considering it,' although he found himself feeling a little reluctant now without really knowing why. 'Maybe towards the end of Fall,' he said, more to pacify her than anything. She had been looking hopeful.

He left his sister's shop and started heading back down the street, passing his own shop, to were he left his car parked, thinking a little gloomily of his empty apartment and the microwavable meal for one sitting in his fridge.  _Maybe I should get a pet..._ he thought vaguely. He was feeling a little low and wasn't really looking where he was going when he bumped into something hard which said 'Ow!' very loudly. 

He looked up apologetically and met the eyes of a woman in her early thirties. She had dark wavy hair and big dark eyes which nevertheless, seemed to sparkle.

'Watch it, will ya?'

'I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going and-'

'Yeah, I get that. That's why I said 'watch it'.'

'Well, I guess that would be logical.' The woman squinted at him and then broke into a wide but not unbeautiful, grin.

'Hey, I know you. I've seen you around- you're the new bookshop guy ain'tcha?'

'Yes.'

'Old Angels.'

'Yes.'

'Why'dya call it ' _Angels_ ', Clarence?'

'Um,' said Castiel, feeling a little confused but the woman was smiling jovially enough. 'My name isn't Clarence. It's Castiel,' she just laughed. Castiel wasn't sure if he should laugh with her or not so he remained stoically silent.

'Right. Castiel,' and her dark eyes sparkled a little more. Castiel couldn't help but smile back at her.

'I'm Meg,' she said. 'I own the ice cream parlor. Right next door to you.'

'Oh,' she pointed back towards their shops.

'Funny it should take so long for us to meet, seeing as how we're neighbors and all.'

'Yes,' said Castiel stiffly. He really had no idea how to respond but simultaneously found himself liking Meg.

'I'll see you around, Clarence,' she said with a mischievous glance back over her shoulder as she walked away and Castiel found himself smiling in spite of himself, as he headed home. 

 


	6. Bitter

Saturday morning, opening time and Castiel flipped the sign on his door feeling more than tired and a little gloomy. It was stupid, Dean hadn't meant to lead him on, he was sure of it. It was just his own over eager imagination. But that didn't change the fact that he  _had_ imagined because he _did_ want something more. And it also didn't change the fact that he had struggled to sleep the night before, tossing and turning, chastising himself for getting it so wrong, mortified that he could be so stupid.

Something about the way Dean had been curled towards the woman in the café, knowing smiles and eyes that made suggestions all of their own making. Dean hadn't looked at him like  _that_. Sure, he'd been shy and sweet but that was about a million miles off from flirtatious... how had he got it so wrong?

Castiel told himself that it was because he wanted to believe. He wanted to believe, for whatever moronic reason, that Dean wanted more from him than an end of the week drinking buddy. But it wasn't like him to read the signs quite _so_ wrong or to have let himself day dream  _so_ much. 

And now he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have Dean talking to him in that way, leaning in close, quietly saying something that was only for him. 

Castiel groaned inwardly at his own thoughts. It was too much, he was just torturing himself. It wasn't going to happen, it was never to be, no matter how much he wanted it. His feelings were unrequited. Imagining how things could be wasn't going to change that fact, it was just causing him pain.

As he was cataloguing a box of new books, he heard the sound of the bell tinkling over the door and looked up hopefully, pathetically thinking that it just might be Dean. But it wasn't. It was Meg.

She was all rosy cheeks, open grins and dark sparkly eyes and Castiel wondered briefly if she was doing it on purpose. He shook what he took to be another ridiculous notion off and then asked her if he could help her with anything.

'Sure thing, Clarence,' Castiel thinks about correcting her again but decides against it - if that's what she wanted to call him, so be it. He didn't overly mind.

She scanned around at the many shelves but her eyes were too vague to suggest that she might actually be searching for something in particular. When nothing seemed to catch her eye, she strolled casually over to the counter,  _like a panther about to pounce_ , thought Castiel with some amusement.

'Can't find what you're looking for?' he asked, trying and failing to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

'You got me,' she said with a mischievous wink. 'But what else has a girl gotta do to get attention around here?' She gave him a quick once over, looking between his eyes and then down the middle of his body, thoughtfully, before looking back up at his face. Her eyes glittered as she raised her eyebrows as though daring him to question what she was doing.

'Attention?' he asked bemused, avoiding answering her question. 'Shouldn't you be at work?'

'I don't open till eleven - no one really wants ice-cream before then.'

'Fair enough.'

'Thought I would come in early, sort out stock... but not before visiting my favourite bookshop of course.'

'You've never even been in this bookshop before.'

'True,' she seemed content to smile at her own jokes, so Castiel remained silent, feeling that if his input wasn't necessary then he wouldn't struggle through another social interaction needlessly.

He's had quite enough of that recently. 

Just at that moment, a delivery guy dropped off a couple more boxes of books and Castiel sighed tiredly. He hadn't finished cataloguing the last box yet and then there would be shelves to stack and alphabetize... normally he enjoyed the apparently menial work. It was simple but somehow satisfying. He hoped Anna would get back to him soon about the part-time help though.

Meg watched, apparently amused, as he signed for the deliveries and then continued cataloguing the first box. 'You look dead on your feet.'

'It is an accurate observation. I barely slept last night.'

'You want me to stack those for you, Clarence?' she asked as he finished, pushing the box to one side.

Castiel starred at her surprised, Meg didn't come across as a 'helping hand' kind of person. She was more of a 'watch you struggle with amusement' kind of person. 'That would be most helpful,' he said more warmly than he'd intended to but he was very grateful. She grinned as she tugged the box out of his hands and showing a surprising amount of strength, carried it to the back of the shop. She started sorting through the books, working methodically. 'Thank you,' he called across to her, a little stunned.

'Don't you go getting all sappy on me, will you Clarence boy,' she smirked as she sorted the books into piles and began filing them away onto shelves.  _I'm hardly a_ boy, Cas thought a little disgruntled.  _I'm nearly forty, for crying out loud!_

But he really appreciated her help, just the same. It seemed as though he had stumbled across (quite literally) at least one easy maintenance friendship in his new home town.

Meg helped him out until she had to go open up her own shop for the day and he thanked her again. She invited him over for ice-creams and he assured her he would take her up on the offer before the day was through. 

With Meg gone, Castiel was left alone with his brooding. It was insufferable to feel so low over something that he couldn't change. He tried to distract himself with various jobs he'd been putting off. A phone call to another book dealer, a misplaced book he was having trouble locating, over-viewing his carefully documented accounts... but somehow Dean Winchester was never far from his thoughts.

At one o'clock, he shut up shop and went to visit Meg's Ice-Cream Parlor for the first time. He entered through wide doors into a small clean room, filled with tables and chairs and a bar, lined with stools which overlooked the counter. A few of the tables were occupied, each one sporting either tall Sundaes or frothy milkshakes. He felt a little awkward, a little out of place and realised he was missing the familiarity of _Winchesters' Family Bakers._ It was ridiculous, he didn't even eat in there on Saturdays! Meg spotted him which put an end to his inner scoldings and he found himself involuntarily shaking his head in order to disperse any further thoughts of Dean.

'Hey, Clarence,' Meg taunted but he just smiled.  _What does she even mean by it?_

'Hello, Meg. I thought I might sample one of your ice creams. Also, I wanted to thank you again for helping me out this morning.'

'I'd help you out any time, Clarence' she said with another wink. Castiel just starred. 'Same goes for 'sampling' my ice cream. You make a girl feel all gooey,' and there was no mistaking it this time. The flirtation was almost vulgar in its obviousness but Castiel found he was able to ignore it. He felt oddly comfortable with Meg despite their contrasting personalities.

He chose a honey flavoured ice-cream which was a little sweet for his taste but he enjoyed it just the same, sitting on one of the bar stools and chatting pleasantly about nothing in particular with Meg. She didn't seem to mind, although rolled her eyes, apparently a little bored with his conversation about bees. He realised at this point that he was trying to compensate her for someone else whom he found sorely missing. Once a week had never been enough. He'd barely had a chance to become familiar with the idea before it was gone. Feeling a little guilty for using Meg in this way, he went back to his shop and did his best to not let his thoughts stray to the bakery again that day.

The following morning didn't go any better. He was only glad that he'd be closing early so that he could get as far away from the shop window as possible. He'd found himself taking frequent glances through the glass all morning, the wide window of the bakery clearly visible although there was no sign of Dean. He didn't want to look, not really and it was infuriating to have it so close whilst simultaneously, so far away. The illusion that he could reach out and touch it whilst in reality thinking he would never walk into that place again. It saddened him to think he'd already created unhappy memories in a place that he'd only owned for such a short space of time. 

He tried to boost his spirits for the remainder of the day by reading a book that had just come in the day before. He'd been after it for a while although he didn't feel the enthusiasm that he normally felt at the start of a long awaited book. He forced himself through the first few chapters and was surprised by what a struggle it was to actually care about the story, the characters, any of it... either it wasn't as good as he'd thought it was going to be or his already oppressive mood was affecting his enjoyment of it. Needless to say he didn't last long before he slammed the book down with some distaste and resumed his 'bookshelf gazing' as he coined it. Occasionally a customer came and went, momentarily breaking the dreadful monotony and he would smile and try to strike up a conversation about the books they were choosing but mostly he was just met with polite one word answers which left him feeling oddly lonely. His need for human contact was almost palpable which Castiel found disturbing in itself, seeing as how he was ordinarily content to be in his own company.

As closing time drew near, Castiel found himself feeling a little better. He forced himself through the final hour, briefly debating closing early but he couldn't afford to loose any custom. At about 3pm, Meg showed up with her usual bright dark eyes and easy smiles. Her cheerful mood was infectious and Cas found himself smiling back at her strange (or strange by his standards) humour.

She continued her overly suggestive flirtations too and Castiel was never really sure how to respond to them. He didn't exactly flirt back but she didn't seem to expect him to - maybe this was how she talked to everybody? 

It wasn't like he didn't appreciate her help (they were stacking books up again) but mostly he was just grateful for her company. It wasn't that he didn't find her attractive. More that his mind was too filled up with someone else for him to be even vaguely interested. He imagined what it might be like doing something like this with Dean. Something uninteresting but simple. How Dean might crack a stupid joke or how their fingers might brush accidentally against one another's... How he might push his strong back up against the bookcase and kiss him like his life depended on it.

_How did I fall so far, so fast?_

It was in that moment, as he was thinking that, that Meg decided to suddenly lean into his personal space, looking directly at his lips... 

 

_

 

Dean had had a long weekend. Mostly guilt ridden and kind of angsty.  _How could I have been so brainless?_

He didn't bother meeting Risa for their date on Saturday. He sent her a short text to let her know that he wasn't going to make it but she didn't respond and Dean held by his belief that she wouldn't have shown up anyway. He deleted her phone number.

He didn't put as much enthusiasm into his baking that day as he normally did and it showed, his strawberries and cream cheesecake was a complete mess and somehow the black bottom cupcakes had just fallen apart completely. As he threw the sticky mess in the trash, Charlie watched him concerned. 'You feeling all right?'

Dean starred hard at her. On the one hand, if anyone had an inkling of what he was going through, it would be her. On the other hand, he really loathed opening up to  _anyone._ He mouthed wordlessly for a second before changing his mind, shaking his head and turning away but Charlie wasn't so easily fooled. She had a kind of intuition for this kind of thing.

'Hey,' she said, grabbing his forearm and jerking him back around. 'Tell me. What's wrong?'

He hesitated but then it just burst out of him like a river busting its dam. 'So. I maybe like someone.' He had expected Charlie to over react but he hadn't expected the high pitched squeal which rang around the café. A few people looked up and self-consciously Dean found himself dragging Charlie back into the kitchen. 

Charlie's eyes sparkled. 'I knew it! All this unhealthy moping you've been doing. You're totally love struck!'

'I-am-not!' said Dean hotly, his ears turning a little red.

'Is it that woman you've been chatting to this past week?'

'No.'

'Oh, then who?' There was something about the expression on Charlie's face that suggested she already knew but wanted him to admit to it without her help. Dean didn't want to say. Charlie pouted but he wouldn't relent. It wasn't just that Cas was a dude - Charlie wouldn't be fazed by that, obviously. It was more about pride. He wouldn't play her games and he didn't want to prove her right. 'It's just... I messed up, big time.'

'Really? You've been seeing this person, how long?'

'I haven't... Not really... We talk sometimes and we've hung out properly, like, once. But I may have been a little in denial-'

'It's that guy who comes in on Fridays, isn't it?' guessed Charlie triumphantly. 

'What? No! What-what the hell makes you say that?'

'I have eyes. I saw how you looked at him.' Dean spluttered half-heartedly. 'So I maybe... exchanged notes with Kevin.'

'You what?'

'Kevin said, the trench-coat guy comes in _every_  Friday lunchtime and you always either go talk to him or moon over him from behind the counter.  _Every time he's here._

'I do _not_ moon,' Charlie snorted. 'Anyway, basically... he saw me flirting with Risa.'

' _He?_   Do mine ears deceive me or did you just admit to having a super hot crush on trench-coat guy?' Dean just glared at her. Charlie chuckled. 'Okay, okay. I get it. Wow, you're such a bitch sometimes. Who's Risa again? Oh-' she caught on. 'That woman you've been talking to, like, _all_ week! Wow! You really were in denial, weren't you... ' she sounded positively hyperactive but Dean couldn't bring himself to smile, he just starred at a spot on the floor broodingly. 

'Look, if you really like him so much, why don't you just talk to him. Tell him you like him when he comes in next Friday and if he asks about Risa you can chalk it all up to a misunderstanding.' 

'Yeah, I have a feeling he won't be coming in this week. He was pretty eager to leave yesterday.'

'Oh, well... do you have his phone number or anything?'

'No. He works over there.' Dean pointed back through the bakery window. Charlie blinked for a second. 

'So, go-talk-to-him! What exactly are you waiting for?' and she practically manoeuvred him around to face the door. 

'I can't. Not today,' he wavered at the expression on Charlie's face. 'I think he'll need time to think.' Charlie seemed unrelenting. 'Look, I'll go tomorrow, okay?' Charlie frowned, apparently not impressed. 'I swear, I will. God, what's a man gotta do for a break around here?' but he was smiling slightly. Charlie's face was plastered with a toothy grin. How did she do that? Every time he was feeling stressed, she had a way of extracting all the tension from him.

But, as expected, when Sunday hit, he was a bag of nerves and spent the entire morning deliberating the best way he could explain himself to the bookshop clerk. 

In the end, he nearly didn't go. He was just closing shop when the phone rang. He hoped it was Sammy asking him to come over and help him with something, looking for any excuse to get out of talking to Castiel. But it wasn't Sam. It was Charlie. 

'Hey, just checking to see if you've talked to lover boy, yet?' she knew him too well.

'No. No, not yet-'

'WHAT? Dean, you promised! Get your ass over there now, before I drag you out!'

'Okay. Okay. Chill, I'm going.' He hung up the phone after a hurried good bye, grabbed the slice of blueberry pie he had boxed up in the refrigerator waiting and then left the building, locking up behind him. He hesitated again before he crossed the street. The open sign was still up and the sight of it set some furious kind of determination going inside of him. He ran across the road, full pelt and bounded into the shop without a seconds thought. He was still debating exactly what he was going to say but the sight that met his eyes robbed him of words anyway. 

Dean walked in just in time to see Meg lean into Cas, hand on the back of his neck, pulling his head down at an angle and plant a soft full kiss on his lips. She slipped a hand into his coat and to Dean's horror, Cas didn't pull away, quite the reverse. They broke apart quite quickly but didn't look away from each other. Apparently the book clerk had enjoyed the experience because the next second he grabbed Meg by the waist, thrust her up against one of the bookcases and kissed her long and deep, his hand moving through her hair. In that moment, something inside of Dean broke. He felt like he had just swallowed a boulder. A very spiky, searing hot, boulder. He starred slightly open mouthed until Cas seemed to sense his presence and broke away from Meg, looking round.

The sight of Cas, pink lipped, flushed cheeks and hair all messed up, was doing things to Dean that he didn't want to admit to. The sight of Meg standing with him made him feel slightly sick.

Castiel had looked up, wondering who had come in at such an inconvenient time but the sight of Dean, open mouthed, box of pie clutched in one hand left him speechless. That wasn't what he'd been expecting. Filled with horror, the two men just starred at each other until Meg broke the awkward silence. 

'All right there,Dean-o?' she said somewhat dreamily, still lounging against the bookcase and seeming a little flustered. '-boy, this guy knows how to kiss a girl. _A Plus_ to you,' she said blinking in Cas's direction. 'I feel so... clean.' She gave a small chuckle whilst both men felt the heat rising in their cheeks and looked away from one another. 

Dean closed his mouth and blinked furiously. He could barely get his head around what he had just seen. He opened his hands to the ceiling in exasperation, dropping the pie as he did so, with a look on his face which clearly said he had no words. He shook his head feeling dazed and slammed out of the door.  

 


	7. Alcohol

Castiel was starring at the door still.

It had only been about a minute since Dean had crashed out but apparently Meg was bored already. 'I think I'd better be heading out, Clarence.'

'Right...' Castiel blinked and turned back to Meg who looked somewhat amused by his dazed expression. 'I'm sorry about that,' he said a little bluntly. 'I'm not sure what came over me.'

'Don't worry about it kitten. I enjoyed it while it lasted.'

'Yes...' but he found himself distracted from what Meg was saying, thinking about the look on Dean's face before he'd run full pelt out of the shop. He turned back to face Meg feeling guilty. 'It won't happen again,' he said firmly.

'Okay. I wasn't expecting all  _hearts_  and  _puppies_ ,' Castiel tilted his head trying to discern meaning in this expression. 'It's fine, Clarence. Any time!' and with a grin she left the shop, she seemed completely unfazed by what had happened but then again, she had started it...

He shut up shop, feeling more tired than ever and the lightness he had felt earlier as the day drew to a close, had completely gone. He felt sad and lonely and almost dreaded the return to his flat but there was nothing more to it. He headed home with the image of Dean's gob smacked face, firmly planted in the for-front of his mind.

  

-

 

The second he got out of _The Old Angels Book Shop_ Dean stood gasping on the asphalt. He was completely gobsmacked. That was the  _last_ thing he'd expected to see and it had utterly thrown him.

 _Meg!_ Fucking  _Meg?!_

He just couldn't believe it. He _really_ liked Cas. Like  _really,_ really. He hadn't felt like this about anyone since, well, ever... and he had thought his feelings were returned.  _Stupid, stupid!_

He started walking fast down the street. _Meg Masters!_

Of all the people! But he knew this was his own fault. If Cas hadn't seen him with Risa... If he, Dean, had just figured out how he felt about Cas a bit faster or rather, if he'd been willing to admit to himself instead of closeting himself in a blanket of denial... things might have played out differently... _Or maybe he never even liked me that way..._ After all, thought Dean, why would he? Cas was clever. He might be making a living selling books but Dean was willing to bet that he'd read most of them too and absorbed their wisdom in so doing. He seemed to have a vast knowledge of a variety of subjects from biology to history and things Dean knew nothing about...  _He probably thinks I'm really dumb. Fuck, I_ am  _really dumb!_

He reached The Roadhouse and swung through the doors. He realised he was shaking slightly as he reached the bar.  _There is_ no way _he should have that kind of affect on me..._

The young blonde pony-tailed woman behind the bar, smiled at him. 'Hey Dean. How y'doing?'

'Fine, Jo. Will you get me a scotch?'

'Sure,' she poured a couple of fingers of amber liquid before pushing it across the bar to him. He downed it in one. 'Rough day?'

'You could say that.'

Jo nodded knowingly. 'I've not seen you like this for a while.'

'Yeah, well...' he had no good answer. What was he supposed to say? It wasn't like he was going to spill his heart about the guy he'd fallen for to the girl who'd been crushing on him since she was still at school.  _No way!_ 'You wanna get me a double?' he asked instead. She poured him another whiskey and then left him to his brooding. She knew him well enough to know he wouldn't talk.

Dean stared into space as he drank this drink more slowly, enjoying the slight burning sensation trickling down his throat. He found himself replaying that kiss, over and over, watching again and again as Cas pushed Meg against that bookcase like his life depended on it. The way he had moved against her body like he had wanted to learn every part of her with every part of himself. Or maybe he didn't. Maybe that's just how Cas kissed. His stoic exterior melting away to reveal a passionate all consuming interior. Dean found the idea incredibly hot, hotter than he might otherwise had thought if he hadn't witnessed it for himself. He didn't want to admit to himself that a faint tinge of jealousy was beginning to take hold. _Meg! Why would he want Meg?_

Dean was furious with his self-torture. It was his own fault after all. It had probably looked like he and Risa were deeply involved. Cas was perfectly free to kiss whomever he wanted... Dean let that thought turn over repetitively in his head, each time hoping it would hurt less the next time...

Dean left some cash under his glass and took his leave without saying goodbye to Jo. He though of heading up to Sammy's despite the alcohol he had just consumed. Somehow he couldn't handle being on his own right now.

 

_

  

Dean was starring into space again, Sam realised. He was meant to be listening to the story he was telling about the doofus at work who kept screwing up but somehow it apparently wasn't enthralling enough for his older brother because he kept switching off. 

'So then I said-' Sam attempted to continue with his litany but it was pointless because Dean was clearly lost in thought about something entirely different. Something about his blank expression suggested to Sam that he hadn't heard a word that he'd said. 'Dean? You okay, man?'

'What?' asked Dean, jerking out of his trance at the sound of his name. He tried to focus on Sam, 'Yeah, sure. I'm fine. Why?' He gave a forced smile. 'So what were you saying about that moron, again?' But it wasn't long before Sam caught him doing it again. This time he didn't say anything, wondering how long it would last.

'Dean. You sure you're all right?' It hadn't looked like his brother was about to surface any time soon and apart from it being mildly irritating, Sam was genuinely beginning to worry. It had been odd anyway, the way Dean had showed up on his doorstep. Sure, he sometimes did come around after work but he had seemed more stressed than usual and smelt like whisky. He had gone straight for the fridge and grabbed a beer which he pretty much downed in one before grabbing another. At the time, Sam had put it down to bravado but now he was beginning to wonder if there wasn't something _more_ to it. After all, it wouldn't be the first time that Dean had turned to alcohol in times of stress. Not that he was half as bad as their dad had been. Dean knew his limits at least but that didn't change the fact that he was grasping his third beer which was three quarters empty.

'Sam, leave it would'ya. I'm fine!' he spoke a little more forcefully than was strictly speaking necessary leading Sam to conclude that Dean was _far_ from fine. He starred at his brother's fake nonchalance and knew he wouldn't open up easily. Sam would have to pick around the edges carefully if he wanted to find out what was going on. 

'Has something happened at work?'

'No!'

'Kevin and Charlie. Are they-'

'They're _fine_ , Sam!' said Dean exasperated. Sam cast around for what else could have put his brother in such a strange mood but nothing in particular came to mind.

'You been hanging around with that guy from the bookshop any more?' It was a shot in the dark but it was pretty much the last thing he had talked to Dean about last time he has been here. He certainly hadn't expected that just the mention of the book dealer would have quite the affect on him that it did. The colour completely drained from his face, he looked sick and the expression left there was one of pain mixed with bewilderment. Dean quickly rearranged his features to look defensive but it was too late. Sam had already seen.

'Why the fuck would you think that this has got anything to do with _him_?'

'Okay, okay! But you admit, something _is_ wrong?' Dean looked like he was considering bludgeoning Sam to death with the nearest empty beer bottle. Sam had never known anyone to loathe talking about their feelings more than his big brother. 'Wow, you're getting through them tonight,' he said gesturing to the beer that Dean had just drained. 

'Yeah, well...' he said glancing sideways in an attempt to avoid Sam's gaze whilst struggling to formulate an adequate lie with his alcohol induced brain. He subconsciously rubbed the back of his neck, trying to buy more time but he couldn't think of anything that sounded even vaguely credible and his head was too mashed from what was really going on to help him out any. 'So maybe I met someone,' Sam's eyebrows rose in surprise. 'And maybe it didn't work out.'

Dean grabbed another beer from the fridge and sat down, starring at the floor. The half of his brother's face that Sam could see appeared anguished. So maybe this was more serious than he had originally thought. Dean was rarely fazed by stuff like this. He'd had more casual relationships than Sam could count but Sam _could_ count (and on one hand) the few times things had ever got any more serious than that. They had _all_ ended badly.

'Was it-' Sam hesitated, very aware that he could very likely make Dean feel worse if he trod on the wrong nerve but something about his brother's earlier reaction, told him that he was probably on the right track. '-was it the guy from the bookshop?'

Dean blinked. 'Why would you think that?' he actually looked a little baffled. 'I'm not gay! I've never shown any interest in guys whatsoever.' Sam begged to differ but he figured pointing that out in this moment wasn't going to help any.

'No,' said Sam, unable to resist rolling his eyes. 'But you did sound utterly besotted when you were talking about him. I don't think I have  _ever_  heard you talk like that about _anyone_ before... not even Lisa,' he added the last part reluctantly, knowing that it was still a sore point for his older brother but for the first time since he had left her, Dean didn't seem even remotely fazed by the mention of her name. He wouldn't meet Sam's eyes though.

'I'm an idiot,' was all he would say.

'You're not an idiot. You just got the wrong end of the stick or someth-'

'No. I got the right end of the stick,' he said suddenly certain that he had. 'but then I fucked it all up 'cause  _I_   didn't catch on fast enough.' **  
**

'Oh.' But what else could he say to that, really?

'I went over there to... to tell him and... he had Meg up against a bookcase.'

'Wow. Meg. Really? As in  _Meg_ , Meg?' 

'As in fucking Meg Masters, yeah!'

'So now what're you going to do?' Dean was starring at his fingers distractedly. He had basically just come out to his brother who hadn't so much as batted an eyelid at the revelation and that was kind of awesome. But that didn't change the fact that he'd basically spent  _all_ weekend working up to telling Cas how he felt about him, only to have it smashed in front of his face. 

Sure, he'd liked some guys before, just as much as women but he'd _never_ acted on it. And he'd never felt like this about  _anyone_ before. It had taken a lot for him to work up the courage to talk to Cas, repressed feelings aren't easily played out loud.

'I dunno. What can I do? Get over the whole thing, I guess...'

'Get over  _him,'_ Sam amended somewhat petulantly, giving Dean one of his best bitch faces.

'Whatever,' said Dean irritated. 'It was my fault. He saw me flirting with Risa.'

'Who?'

'A woman who _used_ to be a bit of a regular at the bakery.'

'Huh,' said Sam, apparently confused. 'And why were you doing that- I mean... if you knew you liked-'

'It's a little thing called  _denial_ , okay!' Dean snapped. 'And will you stop it with that face?'

'What face?'

'Fucking bitch face number three! I  _know_ it was a douchy move. I  _know_ I was kinda leading _him_ on and using _her_...' he sounded utterly miserable now. _Poor guy, he's probably been giving himself hell for it_ , Sam thought a little fondly. 'It's just that, with Risa, it was so fucking _easy_. Like I don't even have to _think_ how to be around women, it just comes naturally, y'know... but with Cas,' Dean said his name a little reverently. 'It's... it's strange and unfamiliar... and I dunno if I'm doing it right...'

'D-doing  _what_ right?' Sam asked a little nervously, worried he'd missed something.

'Like - how d'you tell a guy you like him?' 

'Oh!' said Sam, relieved.  _That's all!_   It was strange how much things had changed between the two of them over the years. Sam could clearly remember the time he had gone to his older brother asking advice about how to talk to girls...'I dunno. Isn't it the same thing?' Dean gave Sam a look as though to say he was a complete idiot. 'Why not?' Dean shrugged, unable to come up with a good argument but maintaining that he was right. It definitely was  _not_ the same. It was a moot point anyway... he wasn't going to be telling Cas _anything_ now... _  
_

'So, that's it... you're just going to move on?' Dean shrugged again, avoiding Sam's eyes again as he finished his fourth beer. _What else was he supposed to do?_

'I think you should still tell him.'

'Oh, for _fuck's_ sake, Sam! I've had enough.'

'But-'

'No, Sammy! Okay. No. No more chick flick moments or I swear, I'm gonna puke.' So Sam was forced to leave it there, all the while watching his brother retreat into a depressive mood as the beers dwindled away.

 


	8. Oblivious

_Charlie_

 

When Charlie started her shift on Monday morning she burst into the kitchen excitedly wanting to know exactly what had transpired between Dean and the book dealer. To her disappointment, Dean seemed down and gloomy. He shrugged off her questions with an 'I don't wanna talk about it,' and she was forced to leave it there.

She watched him carefully for the rest of the day and although he was putting on a brave face, she could tell he was hurting. It bothered her, Dean was normally such a happy-go-lucky, devil-may-case kind of guy, so to see him looking so forlorn over what had obviously been some kind of rejection was somewhat devastating to behold. She hoped the trench coat dude hadn't been too harsh with him.

When her shift was over she tried to talk to Dean but he made up some gruff excuse about being busy and she left the building feeling a little stung that he wouldn't confide in her but she knew it was nothing personal, it was just his way. A minute after she left the bakery she got a call from Sam.

'Sup?' she said a little surprised, Sam didn't call too often.

'Hey, Charlie. How's Dean been today?' she sighed with relief. He was obviously well aware of the situation then. At least Dean had been speaking to  _someone_. 'Like a bitch,' she said without preamble. 'D'you know what happened?'

'Yeah. Do you?'

'I have a pretty good idea. He's been shutting me out all day though.'

'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me.'

'So that guy just wasn't interested then, or what?'

'No. I dunno if it was _that_  exactly... Dean walked in on him making out with someone else.'

'Oh,' said Charlie. 'Well _that_  I did not forsee.'

'Yeah, I think he's really bummed.'

'It explains his funky mood anyway...'

'You working tomorrow?'

'Yeah. You want me to keep an eye on him?'

'Thanks Charlie. I'd appreciate that.'

'No probs. I feel awful. I was the one who told him to go over there...' she was still stood outside the bakery and eyed the book store from across the street with interest. 

'It's not your fault,' Sam reassured her kindly. 'You didn't know what was going to happen.'

'I know, I know...'

'He needed to find out anyway. Even though it's not what he wanted. No point in day dreaming over something unattainable.'

'Yeah, I think it might be a little late for that.'

When Charlie started her shift the following day, she walked straight into the kitchen and pulled Dean into a warm hug.

'What's this for?' he asked a little gruffly.

'Oh y'know... just because I love ya.' Dean blinked.

'I know.'

 

-

 

_Kevin_

 

Kevin had just started his shift on Friday when he felt his phone vibrating through his pocket. There were no customers around yet so he answered it. Charlie's voice, far too loud for so early in the morning, rang through the speaker at a ridiculous speed. 'Hey Kevin, you seen Dean yet, how is he?'

'Uh!' said Kevin, rubbing a hand over his face in an attempt to push away the steadily forming headache. 

'Kevin?' he realised he hadn't answered Charlie's frantic questions.

'Yeah?'

'Dean!?'

'Oh, right... yeah. Um... seems the same...' he really wasn't interested in getting into the middle of Charlie's desperate match-making slash gossiping or whatever the hell this was but even he had to admit that the baker hadn't been himself over the past couple of days.

'Kevin!'

'What!?' he asked, obviously annoyed. 'Look, I _just_ got in. What d'you want me to say? I looked in, said hi.'

'And?'

'And he said 'hey' then carried on making friggin' brownies.'

'Okay, okay... so he's still down about this?'

'Guess so,' Kevin could almost hear the gears whirring in Charlie's brain as she processed this information. 

'Watch out for trench coat guy.'

'I know, I know...' he said exasperatedly. 'But I'm guessing he'll be a no show.'

'Yeah, I know. Call you later.'

''Kay, see you Charlie,' Kevin hung up the phone and glanced through the door into the kitchen. Dean was ploughing away through his baking as per usual but the normal over-loud singing had been replaced with a silent frown and Kevin was pretty sure that when Dean normally made that kind of bread, he didn't feel the need to beat the dough into submission, maybe quite so hard. _Well that's healthy,_  he thought sarcastically before returning to the counter.

The morning passed in a flurry of customers, apparently not fazed by the over-kneaded bread if the exclamations of deliciousness were anything to go by. Lunch time came and went in it's usual uneventful way. Dean poked his head through the door a few times for no particular reason that Kevin could discern but then it clicked, there was no sign of trench coat guy.

He got another phone call when his shift was up. This time it was Sam. 'So, did he show?'

Kevin didn't have the faintest idea who Sam was talking about but a second later realised that he should have guessed, it seemed to be all anyone was interested in today. 'Who?'

'The dude from the book shop?'

Kevin groaned, not Sam too... 'No, Sam. He didn't show. And  _yes_ , Dean has been off,  _all day_.'

'Right,' how had Kevin known what he was going to ask?

'Seriously, if I have to hear any more about this, I think I'm gonna puke.'

'Why?' asked Sam quickly.

'Are you kidding me? Dean's been acting like some kind of love-sick puppy whilst you and Charlie have been dancing around him throwing confetti.' 

'What?'

'Clearly the trench coat guy isn't interested.'

'Oh, you think so?'

'Yeah, I do. Can't we just help Dean forget about him?'

'How much d'you wanna bet?'

'What?' asked Kevin, slightly thrown off guard.

'I have a feeling this might work out.'

'No way. I'll bet you $50.'

'You're on,' said Sam hanging up the phone.

 

_

 

_Sam_

 

Early Saturday morning, Sam found himself sat in his car on one of the side streets by The Roadhouse. He was just thinking of seeing if his brother was up and about yet when another car pulled up next to his. The man who got out was quite small (in Sam's opinion) with dark hair. As he walked past Sam's car, he thought he recognized him as the guy who ran the book shop. The man turned the corner onto the main street and Sam sat pondering for a minute before he made up his mind. He checked the time and waited until exactly nine o'clock (the time when most of the shops on the street opened) before he couldn't wait any longer and practically jumped out of his car before hurrying down the street. 

There was a slight jingle above the door as he entered the shop and sure enough, the man stood behind the counter was definitely the same man who had parked next to him.

Castiel looked up, curiously - he didn't often get customers  _this_ early - wondering who it could be. The man who entered was probably in his late twenties, early thirties. He had longish hair and was so tall he had to bend his head slightly as he stepped through the door into the shop. He starred at Castiel for a second before seeming to realise what he was doing and turning to browse through some books towards the back of the shop. Castiel thought he had possibly seen him in here before but couldn't remember what he had bought. He went back to what he had been doing, half forgetting that there was anyone else in the shop until the tall man approached him tentatively. 

He placed a book down on the counter and gave the book clerk a small smile. Castiel smiled back as he rang the book up on the cash register. 'I haven't read this myself but I have heard that it is very good.'

'Yeah, that's what I've heard too,' said the man wearily. 'I've been meaning to read it for ages.' Castiel nodded as he took the man's money. He looked as though he was stealing himself to say something.

'Um, I'm Sam by the way. I own the bakery opposite, with my brother.' Castiel froze with the book half way into a paper bag. That's where he remembered him from. He ordered a book and then a couple of days later, Dean picked it up... He placed the book fully in the bag and handed it over to Sam, expecting him to leave but he didn't. He gave the book dealer another small smile but this time, Castiel struggled to return it. He hadn't been expecting this.

'It's a very good bakery,' he said when Sam didn't look as though he was leaving any time soon. 

'Yeah,' said Sam in agreement. 'I don't work there any more but Dean's food is the best!' he said with a heart-felt grin. Castiel blinked, remembering what Dean had said about how he had practically raised his brother. No doubt that meant he had done most of the cooking for Sam too. 'Look,' said Sam, apparently choosing to throw caution to the winds. 'My brother... he's a bit of an idiot sometimes...'

Castiel paled considerably at the change of subject. 'Oh, I wouldn't say that. He speaks quite intelligently about a number of subjects.' Sam blinked,  _seriously?_ Sam couldn't begin to conceive how anyone could see his brother as  _intelligent_. _He's crushing as bad as Dean._

So what had that whole thing with Meg been about?

Sam left the shop somewhat hurriedly after that, deciding that butting into his brother's 'love-life' (for want of a better term) was maybe not the best idea after all. He was a nice enough guy and everything but Sam couldn't get over the fact that Dean had fallen for him so bad that he'd finally come out of the closet after thirty-six freaking years! Sam had known Dean's little 'secret' for years but he'd never said anything to him about it. Never said that he noticed how Dean's eyes glanced over some men in the same way they glanced over some women. Never said how one time he'd accidentally come across something on his brother's laptop which had confirmed his suspicions and which he _never_ wanted to think about again.

He had paused outside the bookshop, thinking this through, wondering if he should have said something more to Castiel. He found himself glaring at the ice-cream parlour next door with distaste. The brothers had never got on particularly well with Meg. The ice-cream parlor wasn't officially open yet but he could see Meg, cleaning something up behind the counter. He found himself barging in through the wide doors unapologetically.  

Meg looked up irritably. 'We're not open yet, doofus. Can't you read?' she pointed to the closed sign on the door.

Sam ignored her protests and strode over to the counter like a man on a mission. He was glaring at her when he said, 'So I wanted to know what's going on with you and the guy next door?'  _Wow. Maybe I'm taking the whole over-protective brother thing, a bit too far... Need to tone it down,_  'Please,' he added as an after thought.

Meg snorted, 'Why? You jealous?' she raised her eyebrows suggestively. 

Patience and politeness went out the window together. 'Fuck off, Meg!'

'Awwh, that hurts my itty bitty feelings, Sam,' said Meg with a smirk, never one to take insults to heart. 'Before I kiss and tell, don't I get the right to ask _why_ you're prodding and poking at my private life?' Sam didn't say anything. He was half inclined to answer  _'no_ ' because he didn't want to admit that she was probably right. 'Okay, okay,' she said when he continued to glare. 'I kissed him, like, once.'

'And he kissed you back?'

'What's this? High school gossip column? A soap opera? Yeah, he full on jumped me. Fella was starving for affection or something. Then you're idiot brother walked in and-' she starred at Sam who tried his best to look innocent. 'Oooh! So that's what this is about. Brother got a little man crush on Clarence, has he?'

'I don't know what you're talking about,' said Sam hurriedly. 'So, what? Are you two a  _thing_ now... or what?'  _Thing_ was definitely the only way to describe this coupling in _his_ opinion. 

'Hell, no. Soon as lover boy ran out of the shop, Castiel was quick to let me know where I stood. Shame, I was really hoping to move some furniture around with him if you know what I mean,' she said with an obvious wink. Sam visibly cringed whilst Meg cackled but he left the ice-cream parlor feeling much more positive about his $50. As he walked across the street to the bakery, he found himself formulating a plan to get the two men talking to each other again before the end of the day.

Charlie was working her shift again today and gave Sam a dazzling smile when he walked through the door. He grinned back as he reached her and bent conspiratorially over the counter. 'Dean in the back?'

'Yeah. I think he's trying to break the world record for making as many chocolate chip cookies as is humanly possible before lunch.'

Sam snorted. 'Sounds like he's trying to distract himself from something.' Charlie nodded in agreement. 'So I just went over there to get this,' he held up the paper bag with the book shops angel wings logo printed on it in black. 

'Oooh! What's he say?' she asked excitedly. Sam explained what had happened and about his conversation with Meg.

'So from what I can work out, trenchcoat is crushing on Dean at least as badly as Dean is crushing on him and the pair of them are completely oblivious.' 

'So, are you gonna tell him?'

'Nah, I've got a better idea!' Sam said with a mischievous grin.  

 


	9. Second Chance

It wasn't long after Sam left that morning that another man entered the book shop. He was probably in his mid to late thirties and stood nearly a head shorter than Castiel. He had a bit of an unkempt look going for him with his scraggly beard and messy hair and clothes which looked like they'd been slept in. He walked straight up to the counter, gave a half-heated smile and got straight to the point. 'I'm here about the job.'

'Oh,' said Cas a little stunned.

'Anna told me you was looking for someone?'

'Right. Yes... Anna.' His sister hadn't mentioned that she had found someone or that he would be dropping by today. 'And your name is?'

'Err... Chuck,' he said as though he wasn't quite sure himself.

'Chuck?'

'Yeah, Chuck Shurley,' he could have been making it up on the spot for all Castiel could tell.

'Um... sorry... it's just that my sister, err, Anna... didn't mention that you'd be dropping by today.' Chuck just smiled. 'I guess we could give you a trial run...' he really wasn't prepared for this.

'Yeah? That'd be cool.' Castiel nodded and attempted to smile back but wasn't entirely sure that Chuck found this in anyway reassuring. 'So. What d'you want me to do?'

Castiel briefly explained the way he sorted the books into categories and alphabetized them by author's surname. Chuck, looking like he was struggling to care, took a large box of newly arrived books and started sorting through them. He worked methodically enough but Castiel couldn't help but think that he looked bored.  _I'm not really being fair,_ he told himself. _I imagine that most everyone would find this kind of work to be tedious at best...  
_

'So, Chuck. Why do you want the job?' he asked, trying to sound professional.

Chuck looked at him like he was crazy. 'Seriously? Well... I really need the cash...'

'Oh... Do you- do you _like_ books, at all?' 

' _Books?'_ Chuck repeated as though he couldn't understand the relevance. 'Sure, I guess... I mean, I'm kinda a writer.' 

'You are?' Castiel wasn't sure if he believed him or not. 'What do you write?'

'Oh, nothing serious... nothing you'd get in a shop like this,' he gestured vaguely around. 'It's like,  _Supernatural_ stuff, y'know. Not very high brow either. Kind of cheep and... well, no... it's not very cheerful either... Any who... short and the long of it is: publisher has gone bust, books not really selling. So, y'know...' he gestured around the book shop again as though to indicate why he needed the job.

Figuring he probably wouldn't like the answers, Castiel decided not to ask any more questions.  

The morning passed and Castiel showed Chuck his inventory of books and how to work the cash register. He explained that Chuck would only be required to work a few short hours for a couple of days a week and Chuck seemed to be happy with this arrangement. With no further ado, Castiel told him he was hired and to return the next day. In all honesty it was pleasant to have the company, not to mention the distraction but as soon as he was gone Castiel couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness that crept back over him. 

The remainder of the day seemed to last for an eternity and everything seemed to go wrong. One of the book shelves behind the counter fell down taking the books it held along with it, customers came in requesting books that he didn't stock and the drawer to the cash register jammed. He spent over an hour on the phone to a technician trying to get someone out to fix it but because it was an old model no one seemed to be able to help and they kept placing him on hold. In the end he gave up, slamming the phone down and trying to regain his composure as a customer walked in. 

It had been a long day and Castiel had just about had enough. He just wanted to get home and curl under a blanket on his couch. Maybe read something sappy or romantic, that he wouldn't have to think too hard about and would probably leave him balling his eyes out. Feeling miserable, he locked up and headed straight to his car.

It was still parked up on the side street where he had left it that morning. He unlocked the driver's side door and got in a little ungracefully, thinking with relief that he'd soon be home. 

He should have known it was too good to be true. 

He turned the key in the ignition expecting the engine to rumble into life but instead there was a brief roaring sound before it cut out completely. Irked, Castiel tried again with the same effect. He gave a brief noise of annoyance before knocking his head down on the steering wheel with a painful thunk.

 

-

 

Dean had no idea why Sam was still hanging around at this time on a Saturday. It was past closing time and his little brother was badgering him into hanging out at The Roadhouse when all Dean wanted to do was go up to bed. Sam wasn't normally enthusiastic about spending his Saturday evenings at The Roadhouse so Dean didn't know why he was so desperate to be there today. Any other day he'd have been all for it but it had been a long week and he'd had enough.

Also, why did Sam keep glancing out of the window?

'Look Sammy, I don't know what's got into you but I really can't be bothered, 'kay?' he said as he finished cleaning the counter top down.

Sam widened his eyes, puppy dog style. 'C'mon! You'll enjoy yourself! Benny will probably be there.' He tried to sound enthusiastic but Dean knew that Sam wasn't really a big fan of his old friend. 

'That's not a game changer, Sam. And anyway, I saw him earlier and he said he was spending the night with Andrea. Shouldn't you be hanging out with Ruby, anyways?' to his credit, Dean managed to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

'I already let her know I'd be hanging out with you tonight,' he said as Dean walked around the counter, getting the keys out of his pocket and heading towards the door. 'Huh, shame about Benny but, well... we can still have fun right?'

'Really, Sam?  _Fun?'_ he turned to look at his brother incredulously. 'You shouldn't even be allowed to use that word. I don't think you even know what it means.' 

'Well maybe you can show me,' said Sam, sounding desperate now. He had just seen through the window as the book dealer left his shop and headed off down the street. Luckily Dean had his back to the glass. 'Look, I just want to help you take your mind off stuff, y'know...'

'What stuff?' Dean mumbled, looking at the floor.  'I don't need my mind taking off of anything...'

' _Dean!'_

'Okay, okay... I'll go. But I'm only going to shut you up.'

'Yeah, yeah. Whatever... ' Sam answered disinterestedly, shoving his brother out the door. They walked down the street together. 'I just need to get something from my car,' Sam said in a rush and quickly rounded the corner onto the side street where he had parked earlier that day.

They were just in time to hear the roar of Castiel's car and watch as he head butted the steering wheel. 

Sam looked nervously at his brother, wondering if he had even noticed and sure enough, he had froze in his tracks, his eyes locked on the top of Castiel's head. 'Sup?' he asked innocently. 

'No, it's just...' he gestured vaguely towards Castiel's car. Sam frowned, trying to appear confused. Dean looked like he was trying to pull himself together. To Sam's immense pride, Dean walked straight up to the driver's side door and rapped lightly on the window. 

Castiel looked up, confused. He hadn't noticed anyone approaching him. His confusion turned to embarrassment when he saw who was looking nervously through the glass. He wound down the window. 'Hello, Dean.'

'Hey, Cas...' neither said anything for a second, just starred. Sam cleared his throat loudly from behind. 'Um, so... what's up?'

'It appears my car won't start.'

 _God damn, his eyes are blue._ Dean shook himself trying to rid himself of any more inappropriate thoughts. 'Mind if I look? I know a bit about cars,' he said modestly.

Castiel blinked, 'That would be much appreciated, thank you.' Cas got out of the car and Dean had a look under the bonnet and then got in the front of the car, checking the controls. 'Huh,' he said with a frown. 'Looks like someone's been messing with your wires. This one's been cut right in two... luckily the break's still intact.' Castiel looked worried and for good reason, Dean was concerned himself. 'This car where you left it?' Cas nodded.'And it was fine last time you drove it?'

'Yes. It ran perfectly this morning.'

'Huh,' he said again, stumped. 'So between now and then, someone broke into your car, cut the clutch wire and then just left it here?' he glanced at Sam who was waiting patiently beside Castiel. He didn't look remotely concerned. 'Weird.'

Sam gave a non-committed noise and Dean found himself starring suspiciously at where his brother's car was parked up behind the book dealer's... coincidence? Dean didn't believe in it. 

'Look, I can jump start it with what's left of these wires but then you're going to have to take it to the nearest garage. It's not safe to drive like this.' Castiel nodded looking downcast. 

'Where's-' but Dean interrupted him before he could finish the question. 

'There's Singer Auto on Vine Street.' Castiel didn't recognize the street name. 'Look, I can show you if you want,' he said with a non-committal shrug. 'It's basically just a salvage yard but we know Bobby. He can fix this, no problem.'

'Thank you, that would be most helpful.'

'Sorry, Sam. Have to give you a rain check on that drink.' Sam didn't look remotely put out considering how he'd been whining back at the bakery. And that's how Dean knew who had cut the wires. He could kill Sammy right about now. He just hoped Cas would never find out. 

Dean and Castiel both said goodbye to Sam before they got in the car. Dean jump started it with the wires as he had said he would and drove the car around the corner onto the main street. Neither man said anything. The tension was so thick, you could have cut it with a knife. 

He turned down the side street which led to Singer Salvage Yard and said, just to break the silence 'It's just at the bottom of this street.' Sure enough, Castiel soon saw the sprawling mess of broken cars which was the entrance for Singer Auto. 'Bobby and I go  _way_ back... He'll soon have you fixed right up.'

Castiel nodded. Dean parked the car next to a large unkempt looking house behind the wreck of old cars. The two of them got out of the car just as a man came through the door. Castiel thought he was probably in his late fifties, early sixties and wore a baseball cap over a short brown beard. 

'Hey Bobby.'

'Heya Dean, what you brought for me?'

Dean gave him a look of mock offence. 'Can't a guy just visit an old friend?' 

'I doubt it,' he said with a chuckle. 

Dean introduced Bobby to the book clerk and then explained the problem, carefully editing his brother out of the story. 

'Well, that's weird.'

'Yeah, that's what I said...'

'Some idjits idea of a prank, prob'ly.'

'Yeah, maybe...'

Bobby gave the car a quick look over and then got to work. Dean and Castiel stood around waiting, carefully avoiding each others eyes.

'Thank you for this,' Castiel said awkwardly. 'I'm sure you have better places to be on a Saturday evening.'

'No. Not really,' he answered unthinkingly. 'I mean... I was meant to be having a drink with my brother but whatever...' he tried to sound offhand. 

'Oh. Well I still appreciate your time.' Dean nodded, not sure how to respond but desperately trying not to let his gaze linger overly long on Castiel's face. He starred at the ground but he could feel Cas's eyes on him.

_Why is it so hard?_

Castiel, in reverse, wasn't even trying not to stare any more. He'd missed this, he realized. Even if the conversation was awkward and stilted at times. They'd got past it once...

'Maybe I could get you that drink, to say thank you,' he said in a rush, afraid he was going to miss his chance.

Dean blinked, surprised and starred directly as Castiel for a second before he had to look away. So maybe Castiel wasn't interested in him in  _that_ way. Maybe he just wanted to be friends? He could do that right? Be friends with the guy he had a serious crush on?

'Sure, that'd be cool,' he said before he could stop himself, feeling like a flustered school girl. Actually, maybe this was a bad idea... but he found he didn't really care. He had  _hated_  not seeing Castiel sat at his usual table on Friday. It seemed stupid to miss something that should be so ordinary. But being around Cas  _never_ felt ordinary for some reason. _  
_

An hour later, Cas's car was working as good as new. He thanked Bobby, who said it was no problem 'Anything for a friend of Dean's,' and refused to take any money for the trouble.

'Hey, Bobby, we're going for drinks... you coming?'

'Not today, boys. Going hunting in the morning, gotta be up early to catch me some dinner! You should tag along, Dean.'

'Yeah, um... maybe some other time, Bobby...'

'Fair enough,' Bobby rolled his eyes good naturedly.  'Say hi to Ellen for me.'

'Will do, see ya later, Bobby.' The two men drove off and found themselves parking up outside The Roadhouse.  

Castiel bought them both beers and it wasn't long before they found themselves talking as comfortably as they had been before. Words were chosen carefully and the topic of Meg remained unspoken, the elephant in the room. Dean was happy for it to remain that way as he didn't like to think about them being together. As long as he controlled himself it shouldn't be an issue.

Castiel on the other hand was desperate to explain himself but struggled to find an opening in the conversation, to say anything half serious. What's more, he didn't want to scare Dean off again. 

They didn't stay for long, less than two hours but agreed to meet up again after work the next day. They parted ways when they reached Cas's car, both trying not to smile too much. 

  


	10. Rain

Autumn had finally arrived as the end of September drew to a close. There seemed to be downpours of rain every day. 

It was the sound of that rain, pattering hard against the glass that woke Dean up early that morning. He blinked blearily feeling a wide smile stretching across his face as thoughts of blue eyes and dark messy hair continued to fill his head and he rolled over, grinning into the pillow.

Good dreams.

The reality dropped onto him, fast and sharp and he groaned with disappointment as he realized that that's all it was.

It was crazy really, how one person could make you feel so happy without even trying. Even if he didn't feel the same way about you... 

He smiled again thinking about how he would be seeing him again later that day. The dreams had drifted away completely now, leaving him with no memory of what they had been about. He just knew that they involved Cas. And so he found himself day dreaming about the particular blue of his eyes. The messy hair he was desperate to run his fingers through. The soft tan of his skin. 

He groaned into his pillow again as he felt something under the covers twitch with interest and he found himself imagining again, exactly what might have happened if only Meg hadn't been there. And then he was imagining it all. Those perfect pink lips pressed against his as Cas kissed _him_ passionately and pushed _him_ back against that bookcase. Those slender fingers dragging through _his_ hair.

Dean found his own hand snaking down beneath the quilt and under his boxers, to palm teasingly against his stiffening cock.

And he imagined how he would pull Cas in closer. Take all that passion and give it right back. Run his fingers through Cas's dark hair. Stroke down his chest. Thrust up against his hardening cock.

'Mmh,' Dean couldn't help letting the noise escape as he fisted his cock. He wanted this so bad.

His imagination seemed to skip over a few scenes and the next minute he was imagining a naked Cas. A fully aroused Cas. And his own hand was pumping hard and fast, desperate for the tightness that a hand alone could never quite replicate. He imagined what it would be like to fuck Cas. To watch those eyes widen as he thrust into him and then that was it. It was over in an embarrassingly short amount of time and he could feel the thick spurts of cum shooting out into his boxers, wet and uncomfortable. 

 

_

 

He started work early that morning feeling simultaneously happy and annoyed with himself. He made up an olive loaf, a walnut and maple ring cake, red velvet cupcakes and a pecan pie. He set a slice of the latter aside on a plate for later. As he worked, he allowed himself to get lost in the baking process. He followed the recipes to the letter, not giving himself time to think about anything outside of their instructions. 

But eventually the display case was full, Kevin had started his shift and the first customers had started drifting in out of the rain. It was busier than usual, the delicious smell of pecan pie had drifted outside tempting people in to the warm dry comfortable space of _The Winchesters' Family Bakery_. Sunday was a short day in the bakery because they closed early but it seemed to drag on endlessly.

At last the last few dregs of customers drifted unwillingly out into the rain and Dean closed the door behind them, swinging the sign around to closed with satisfaction. He was looking forward to seeing the book dealer again but worried that he would forget their prearranged meet up. But then, before Dean had even moved away from the door, he was there, almost as though he'd read his mind. He smiled and Dean grinned back starring helplessly for a second before he remembered it was raining and opened the door to let him in.  _God, he's fucking gorgeous_ , he thought as Castiel sat down in his usual window seat, rain falling in thick drops from his wet tousled hair. His mind, newly lifted from denial, was suddenly free to think whatever it liked without fear of being squashed down and so apparently it was going overboard. He found himself raking his eyes over Castiel's body in a way that he would never have consciously allowed himself to do before.

Then he upbraided himself.  _Just because I can, doesn't mean I should._ They were just friends after all and Cas was with Meg. He found himself at a loss with what to say though. It all felt so different from when he was with his other friends. He still found himself wanting to impress Cas and wanting to make him smile. 

'So, um... d'you want some pie?' He reached behind the counter and presented the slice of pie to Castiel with a flourish. 'It's chocolate

chunk and pecan,' he said with a grin.

'That sounds amazing,' said Castiel biting his bottom lip. Dean found himself starring again. 'I can't believe there's any left.'

'Uh,' said Dean, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck. He didn't want to admit that he'd set aside this slice of pie specifically with Cas in mind. He watched as though entranced as Castiel dug in enthusiastically. He found himself watching his mouth again. Fuck, this was a lot harder than he'd anticipated.

'This-' said Cas, still chewing his food. He swallowed. Dean gulped. 'This makes me so happy.'

'Really?' said Dean, sitting down across from his friend. 'You must have a sweet tooth.'

'Yes. I do.'

'Huh... You ever been to Garth's?'

'Where?'

'Garth's Candy Emporium,' Dean explained, rolling his eyes.

'Oh, yes. I know the shop that you are referring to. No. I have never been inside. I'm worried that if I started, I'd be in there every day... I find sugar to be rather addictive.'

'Yeah... I guess...'

'It was supposed to be a treat. Coming in here once a week,' he gestured fondly around the bakery. 'Having something sweet to eat. I kind of loose control when it comes to sugar...' Dean starred. Cas was so perfectly constrained, he seemed like someone who would never loose control.

'What, d'you have an addictive personality or something?' he was sort of joking and so was surprised by Cas's serious answer.

'I think so... yes...' Dean starred, hoping this wasn't going the way he was thinking.

'So, like _drugs_ and stuff?'

Castiel looked at him sharply. 'I have never touched anything illegal,' he said defensively. Dean sighed with relief. 'Though I suspect if I did, I'd quickly be a lost cause. I once had a severe Tylenol dependency.' Dean snorted. 'If I hadn't taken half a dozen before lunch, I'd have headaches for the rest of the day. It took a long time to shake myself out of that one, I can tell you.' Dean wasn't sure if he was being serious or not but it didn't really matter, he was so relieved that he found himself reaching across the table to hug the book dealer.

'You had me worried there.' And then Castiel brought his arms up awkwardly to hug Dean back. But then Dean had to pull away because if felt _way_  too good. He couldn't look at Cas anymore. The pie was all gone and he found himself using the empty plate as an excuse to move away from him, taking it with him into the kitchen, struggling to regain his composure.  _He smelt so fucking good,_ Dean thought absentmindedly.  _Like a freaking Chai Latte, all sweetness and spice... vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg..._

Castiel sat at his table feeling a little dazed. Dean had just hugged him. Wrapped his strong arms around Castiel's chest and squeezed slightly. He had been too shocked to even remember to hug back for a second and then, when he had done, Dean had pulled away... walked away...

When Dean came back, he couldn't look Cas in the eye and Castiel felt a sudden urge to leave. He didn't like conflict and this felt too much like a contrast of interests to be comfortably bearable. He stood up abruptly and Dean starred at him but now Cas was the one failing to meet  _his_ eyes. He felt something like a lump in his throat and it was just  _too_ much. Obviously being friends was too difficult.

'I should-' he started. 'The pie was great, thank you.' Back to formalities. 'I should probably leave now...' and then he darted out the door before Dean could say anything. He was so fast that he stood there blinking stupidly for a few seconds and then he was running for the door himself.

'Cas? For fucks sake! Wait...' but he was already gone. The sky was kicking up a storm, ominously dark and rain lashing down in heavy gray streaks. There was no sign of the book dealer.

 

_

 

Later that evening, Dean found himself sat on his couch, a pack of six on the table, already half empty. He had the tv on, flicking disinterestedly through the channels. He paused on some ridiculous horror movie involving vampires and werewolves and continued to guzzle down the most recently opened can. 

A minute later his phone went off and he groaned when he realized it was Sam. 'Sup?' he asked upon answering. 

'So I didn't get round to calling last night... How did things go with the book shop guy?'

'What d'you mean?'

'His car.'

'Oh, yeah. Bobby fixed it up fine. What the fuck did you do that for anyways?'

'I don't know what you're talking about,' Sam said innocently. 

'Like hell you don't,' but he let it slide. He knew that Sam was only trying to help in his own messed up way.

'And what's his name?'

'Castiel?'

'Yeah, him - d'you two kiss and make up or what?' Dean spluttered on the beer he'd just drank and found himself actually taking the phone away from his ear to stare at it for a second.

'Fuck off, Sam!' he finally retorted. 

'Okay, okay.Touchy. I'll take that as a no,' he sounded disappointed. 

'I can't believe you just asked me that. He's fucking Meg isn't he.' It was more of a statement than a question. 

'Is he?' asked Sam doubtfully. 

'Yes.'

'You sure, I mean... you've asked him, right?'

'I don't need to ask. I saw them. They're totally together.'

'Um, no.'

'What?'

'I talked to Meg.'

'What! Why?'

'She said that _she_  kissed  _him-_ '

'Yeah, thanks for the reminder-'

'And he kissed her back but right after you left, he told her that he wasn't interested.'

There was a long pause and Sam waited for his brother to absorb this new information, unable to resist a satisfied smirk.

'What?'

'They're  _not_ together,' Sam rolled his eyes. 'It was a one time thing. Meaningless, according to her...'

'Yeah, well... it didn't  _look_ meaningless.'

'Maybe he's just  _that_ kind of guy. No holding back,' said Sam, trying not to chortle down the phone but Dean didn't notice. He was still trying to wrap his head around his brother's news, it changed everything... 

'Fuck, Sammy! Why didn't you tell me this before?'

'I guess I kinda figured that one of you would bring it up and then he could tell you for himself. I wasn't banking on him being as emotionally constipated as you are.' Dean ignored the jibe. 'I have a feeling the guy is crazy about you.'

Dean went to bed that night in a slightly better mood. His head ringing with Sam's last words. 

 

-

 

The following day seemed to drag. At lunchtime, there was no sign of Cas at his usual table but then, Dean hadn't really been expecting him. It was Monday,  _Cas never comes in on Mondays,_ he reassured himself. But he had a feeling that even if it had been Friday, the book dealer wouldn't have shown. 

He baked more than usual, trying to distract himself. There were cheese straws, pea and feta muffins, blueberry ring cake drizzled with cream cheese frosting, apple crumble cupcakes, oat and raisin cookies and grasshopper pie. He even made a chocolate cheesecake but this was left in the fridge to set over night.

He glanced out of the window every time he walked into the café but there was no sign of the book seller.

After lunch there was a bit of a break in the rain and he got a bit daring, actually walking across the street to the bookshop, his heart thumping heavily in his chest. To his disappointment, Cas wasn't there. 

'Who- who are you?' Dean asked weakly. He couldn't believe his luck.

'Err, Chuck.'

'Chuck?'

'Chuck Shurley,' the man forced a smile but Dean wasn't interested in his poor customer service skills. 

'What, d'you work here now?'

'Yes.'

'Huh. D'you know where Cas is?'

'Nope.'

'Will he be back today?'

'I think so.'

'Brilliant!' said Dean sarcastically. 'Well that's just brilliant, Chuck. Keep up the good work.'

'I will.' 

Dean went back to the bakery with a horrible feeling of maybe this just isn't meant to be... 

Eventually the day's work was over. Charlie was gone. The closed sign was swinging merrily on its chain. Rain was pouring down.

He found himself sat gloomily in Cas's window seat, starring out at the bookshop, wondering where Cas was and what he was doing right now...

He almost missed him.

At first he thought he was imagining things again, then he thought it was probably Chuck. And then there was no mistaking him.

Dean stood up so abruptly, his chair clattering to the floor but he barely noticed. His eyes were fixed on Castiel who seemed to be struggling to lock the door, the rain plastering his messy hair to the sides of his face. 

And then he was running like his life depended on it. Out the door, not even bothering to close it behind him. He nearly got run over as he started to run across the road and had to pull himself back onto the asphalt as he waited for a gap in the traffic.

He was so frustrated that he was going to miss his chance that he found himself shouting across the street but the roar of engines and no doubt the rain in Cas's ears drowned out the sound of his voice. 'CAS!' he tried again, desperately. 

Cas looked up and away from the door, searching out the voice he was only half sure he'd heard. But there, through the evening traffic, was Dean, standing on the edge of the road, shouting his name and waving frantically. 

Finally he got his chance and he was running full pelt across the road. And then he was stood in front of a very wet Castiel who was wearing an expression of confusion. 

'Hello, Dean.' 

Dean didn't say anything, just starred as the rain continued to fall down heavily on both of them. Cas, plainly puzzled, cocked his head to one side in the way Dean found incredibly endearing and that was it. He was reaching forward to take Cas's face in his hand, feeling the roughness of his stubble on his cheeks as he leaned his face in closer to the wide eyed man stood before him.

He glanced down briefly at Cas's lips and then closed his eyes as he brought his own lips down to press firmly against his. Cas kissed him back and Dean moaned a little as he pressed down further into the kiss, making it deeper, wetter, sweeter... 

There were no fireworks, only the rain and the fast beats of their hearts as they brought their bodies closer together. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, fearing he would pull away but Dean just pressed closer, not caring that they were both soaked through, not caring that anyone could see this very public display of intense affection. 

Just knowing that this moment was perfect and that he never wanted it to end.

 


	11. Slow

The following few minutes passed in a blur as Dean took Cas's hand and they ran through the rain, back across the street into the bakery, through the kitchen and up the stairs to Dean's apartment. The whole time they didn't take their hands off of each other, always touching, a hand, an arm, a shoulder. Dean's fingers brushing over Cas's stubble as he unlocked the door to let them in... 

And then they were in and Dean was kissing him again, not as passionately as earlier, light easy kisses that sent Cas dizzy with happiness. They were both soaked through, water drops from Cas's trench coat dripping all over the floor. He wasn't quite sure where this had come from, why Dean had started this now. He wasn't exactly going to say no, he wanted this so badly too. Dean stepped back slightly from Cas, but didn't look away. His green eyes were gleaming but he seemed a bit unsure of himself again, a little nervous. They hadn't even spoken yet since Dean had kissed him out in the street but he broke the silence now. 'You- you are okay with this, right?'

Cas wanted to take away his nerves, ease away any remaining tension, so in answer he simply closed the remaining space between them and kissed Dean full on the mouth. 'Mmh,' Dean mouthed into the kiss and Cas wanted to giggle but Dean was pushing in deeper, desperately almost and he was forced to concentrate on giving back instead. Dean ran his tongue over Cas's bottom lip and Cas allowed him access to his mouth easily. Not that he was complaining. It felt so good as Dean's tongue slipped over his own, applying a little pressure, wet and strong.

Dean's arms were wrapped around his neck now, his body pressing in as close as their wet clothing would allow. He lifted one of his own arms up, running his fingers through Dean's short hair and Dean made a humming sound which sent tingles shooting through Cas's body, all bearing their way southwards. There was no holding back after that. He maneuvered Dean around and pushed him back up against the door. Dean moaned apparently liking being manhandled and Cas was only encouraged, pressing him harder into the wood panels in a way that couldn't possibly be comfortable. He pushed one of his legs between Dean's, feeling with his thigh the hardening cock through Dean's jeans. He could feel his growing bulge stiffening, responding to the beautiful noises that Dean was making. He rutted gently against his leg waiting for the reaction and sure enough; 'Fuck, Cas.' He grinned into the kiss and Dean found himself grinning back. This time Cas was less gentle and gave Dean a full blown thrust and Dean moaned into his mouth.

Dean thrust back and it was Cas's turn to moan but it came out as more of a growl and Dean didn't think he'd ever felt so turned on in his life. He gave a couple more short, hard thrusts and Cas tried to force their bodies impossibly closer together. Kissing him deeper, feeling the rough chap of his lips, trying to find a way to get closer. Dean wanted to let Cas fuck him up against the door, he really did but this was their first time. His first time with Cas, his first time with a guy. And he wanted it to be as comfortable as possible. So he pulled out of Cas's mouth, starring as Cas's lust blown eyes, his wide black pupils almost eradicating all of that stormy blue. Fuck, he wanted to kiss him again. So he did but forced himself to pull back pretty fast, resting his forehead against the other mans, knowing that if he looked him in the eyes again he'd loose it. 'Cas?'

'Mmm...'

'Can we... can we go to my room?' he asked nervously but apparently the book clerk was all for it. He pulled away from Dean, the hand in Dean's hair snaking down his arm to grasp his hand firmly and Dean grinned, blushing slightly, making Cas want to jump him again but he held back knowing they had to do this right. 

'Which way?' For the first time, Cas looked around the apartment. They were stood in an open plan living room slash kitchen. It was light, clean and tidy but relatively plain. The odd picture stood in its frame but the rooms bore no other decorative features. In front of them a short hallway branched off to the left and right, a door at either end. 

Dean tugged his hand and led him off down the hall to the right. He pushed through the door into his bedroom, closing it behind them and glancing nervously at Cas as though waiting for his opinion. Cas liked it immediately but maybe that was just because it was Dean's. Cream walls, espresso colored furniture. A couple more framed photographs on top of a chest of drawers. And a wide, deep king sized bed with clean cream bedding. 

Cas smiled at Dean and Dean grinned back, reaching out for Cas's blue tie and pulling him in for another kiss. They fell on the bed together in a tangled heap, Dean on top, pushing Cas into the mattress, kissing him for all he was worth. Cas took hold of his arms and he hadn't been wrong on that first meeting, he did hide something muscular beneath all that plaid. He grinned lazily, sitting up, watching Dean's wide open eyes with fascination. He pulled the plaid shirt off and rubbed his hands over the bare muscles appreciatively. Dean didn't say anything, didn't say a word as Cas's fingers slipped beneath his plain black t-shirt, caressing skin and playing with the hairs on his chest before he lifted it up over Dean's head. He stared at Dean's chest for a second as he continued to run his fingers over the tight muscles and continued to massage him as he looked up at Dean's beautiful freckled face grinning. 

Dean just starred at him. Everything about Cas was just so gorgeous. The way his dark hair fell floppily all over the place. The way his eyes seemed to be beckoning him in. The way he smiled like he knew exactly what he was doing to Dean. And Dean kissed him again - just because he could - loving the way he tasted, like he smelt; sweet and spicy. The guy just overwhelmed him through all his senses. He stopped kissing him for a second as he pulled off Cas's thoroughly soaked long beige coat and through it to the floor. He seemed almost naked without it and he pressed in deeply again, kissing him and forcing his suit jacket down his arms as he did so. Dean undid his tie and through it on top of the steadily forming pile of clothes on the floor. Next his white shirt. Dean bit his lip as he slowly undid them, glancing up at Cas with a smile that made Cas lean forward again to kiss him. 'Mmh,' Dean moaned softly, trying to concentrate on undoing the buttons as Cas licked into his mouth, his tongue lolling around the inside of his cheeks, up and under his tongue... 

Finally the shirt was off and it was Dean's turn to stare appreciatively for a second. He took it a step further, leaning in and kissing his lightly tanned skin and running his fingers through the dark hairs that patterned across his torso. He was slim but well toned and Dean found his hands working their way downwards, skimming the soft supple skin until they reached his gorgeous hip bones. He found himself fondling that area for some time, pressing sweet gentle kisses along the edge of the bones while Cas watched him lustily, his pupils dilated. 

Then Cas was pushing Dean backwards onto the bed and Dean opened his eyes wide. Cas kissed his reassuringly at first but the feel of naked flesh on flesh sent them both flying into a passion pretty quickly. Cas was kissing every part of Dean that he could reach. His lips, his cheeks, his neck... leaving a trail of kisses all the way down one side as he learnt Dean by heart. He found a pretty sensitive spot beneath Dean's ear and sucked gently on it as Dean felt tingles shooting straight down to his cock. Then he was licking Dean's ear, sending him wild, his body positively shuddering beneath him. 'Cas!'

'Yes?' asked Cas, faking innocence as he pushed up from Dean, looking at his face as he cocked his head to one side.

'Uh...' Dean said speechlessly and Cas was kissing him again, working his way steadily down his body, licking over his nipples in a way that made his body spasm with want for a few seconds. And then Cas reached the waistband of his jeans and Dean felt like his heart was going to pump right out of his chest as Cas kissed the skin there, his tongue flicking out and running just under the edge of the denim. He undid the buttons and zipper methodically  pulling the jeans out from under him, leaving on his grey boxers which completely failed to mask his raging hard on but lingering for a second on his butt before gently squeezing and moving away. His jeans were off and on the floor and Cas stood up for a second as he took off his own trousers. Dean couldn't look away, not even for a second as his black pants dropped to the floor, revealing only a pair of tented navy blue boxers and toned legs. Cas starred at Dean lying on the bed completely unabashed as his eyes trailed down his body, lingering on the fabric stretched around his cock. Dean starred back as he climbed back on top of Dean, straddling his hips and leaned in as he  kissed him again.

If he thought it had felt good before, it was nothing to how it felt now, nearly completely naked, their legs wrapped crazily around each others. Then Cas was pulling away from his lips again and going down. Rubbing his face into Dean's boxers, feeling the large bulge under his cheeks and nuzzling in making Dean whimper. Then he was pulling the soft grey cotton over his straining cock, eyeing him hungrily and looking up at Dean's face with a grin as he slid the boxers down and over his ankles. He took Dean's cock in his hand and began to rub it just like Dean liked, it was like Cas knew him already. Knew the exact pressure, the exact angle to get Dean writhing with pleasure. He rubbed a thumb over the slit, licking his lips slightly and Dean moaned out loud. Cas grinned again and then nuzzled his now naked cock, making humming sounds that brought Dean right to the edge, he just looked so beautiful when he did that. Cas looked up, knowing exactly what he was doing to Dean and savouring every second of it. He dropped his head to Dean's cock, licking a wide stripe up the back and rubbing a thumb down the central vein. Dean groaned. 'Cas!' Then he was resting his lips gently on the very end but not taking his eyes off Dean's face. He could just see a thin line of moss green around his blown pupils. He took Dean fully into his mouth, never taking his eyes away from Dean's as he started to bob up and down, moving his hand at the base of Dean's cock in time with the motion of his mouth. Dean was making all kinds of indistinguishable noises as Cas licked and slurped, dragging his tongue over and around the skin and taking particular pleasure in licking the pre-cum that was oozing out of his slit. 

Dean was moaning something blasphemous now, running his fingers through Cas's soft dark hair. _Feels like freaking feathers..._ he thought vaguely, half way spent, nearly gone and then Cas was pulling back, letting Dean's hard cock slip out of his mouth, his tongue tracing it to the tip, eyes still on Dean's. Dean groaned with frustration but Cas was pumping him hard again and then slipping thin navy cotton over his own heavy erection. Dean couldn't stop starring. Cas grinned again as he lowered himself down on top of Dean, pressing their bodies flush together, kissing him deeper as their cocks brushed together. Both men groaned with the friction and Dean found himself begging a little. 'Fuck me, Cas!'

'Are you sure?' he sounded so formal, so held together whilst Dean was falling apart. 

'I'm sure.'

He would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous but felt a yearning for it just the same. Keeping his eyes on Dean, Cas licked and sucked his fingers until they were generously coated in his saliva. The image alone was so exciting that Dean found himself making pleased little noises. Cas lowered a hand down past Dean's cock, gently fondling his balls. Dean moaned a little again. He couldn't explain why but he just wanted Cas in him so bad. 

He rubbed his dampened slender fingers over his perineum before walking them further down to the circle of puckered skin. Dean exhaled, letting go a breath he hadn't known he was holding. Cas's wet fingers started to rub circles around his hole and Dean found himself gasping. 'I - y'know...' Cas waited patiently, starring at him reassuringly. 'I've never... I've never actually done this before,' he finished in a rush. 

Cas nodded once, entirely unsurprised. 'It's okay, Dean. We'll take it slow.' Dean nodded. 'If you're certain you want to do this?'

'Fuck, yes!' 

Cas nodded. 'Maybe... mmm,' he said thinking. 'Yes, that would be best... I don't suppose you've got any lubricant?' 

Dean nodded eagerly. 'Yeah!' he sat up and reached for the bottom drawer of his bedside table, hurriedly scrambling through its contents. 'Ah hah!' he said, embarrassingly enthusiastic as he came up with a small bottle of cherry flavored lube.

Cas took it with a small smirk. 'Cherry. Interesting choice.' Dean blushed slightly, watching Cas slick up his fingers. 

'Yeah, it tastes amazing,' he said, deliberately licking his lips. It was Cas's turn to blush. 

Dean grinned with satisfaction just before Cas put one of his newly slicked fingers on the precipice of Dean's hole. He rubbed small circles again before dipping a fingers in slightly. The sensation was different but not entirely unpleasant. Dean waited with bated breath as Cas pushed slightly inwards, simultaneously jerking Dean's cock up and down with his spare hand, in an attempt to distract him. Dean tried to relax into it. The next thing he knew Cas was pushing down all the way, slowly and steadily until it couldn't go any further. He crooked his finger and still watching Dean's face, massaged him teasingly from the inside. He seemed to hit the right spot straight away, the extra sensitive place that must be his prostate.'Oh, fuck. Cas!' Cas massaged it a little more until Dean was positively squirming beneath him. 'More, Cas!' So the book dealer worked in a second finger, ignoring Dean's gasps until it was fully encased. Then he rubbed both fingers up against his prostate and Dean thought he was going to loose consciousness from the incredible sensation that was shooting straight to his cock which Cas continued to pump.

Then he was slowly scissoring his fingers apart. 'Ungh!' Dean said eloquently and Cas grinned, leaning forward to kiss him. Dean lent appreciatively into the kiss as Cas entered a third finger. 

'Cas, will you just fuck me already,' Dean said, breaking away from the kiss, not intending to sound so needy. He didn't seem to mind though, just sat up, grinning. 

'Yes, Dean. I will fuck you now.' It was about the hottest thing Dean had ever heard but he groaned with annoyance as Cas removed his curled fingers. They left a gap that desperately needed to be filled.

And then he was moaning appreciatively as Cas slicked up his cock and placed it at the entrance to Dean's hole. Cas checked Dean's face and he nodded once for reassurance and then Cas was pushing down, slowly, deeply into Dean until he was completely submerged. He was a little overwhelmed, it had hurt a little, a sharp burning that hadn't been an entirely unpleasant kind of feeling but it wasn't half as painful as what he'd imagined.

Cas closed his eyes for a second, Dean was so tight! Then he opened them and starred at Dean's widened eyes, he was desperate for friction but scared of hurting his friend.

Eventually Dean nodded encouragingly and Cas tortuously began to thrust slowly into the gorgeous man laid out before him. It felt so good but he had to hold back every second. He tried to aim at Dean's prostate to maximize Dean's pleasure and it seemed to work, if the loud humming noises coming from him were anything to go by. 

Dean found himself wanting that feeling more and more, Cas's short slow thrusts not nearly enough. He started moving up and down on Cas's cock. Cas moaned and the sound accompanied by the feeling of his prostate being steadily massaged by Cas's cock were enough to make him want to do it again and again. 

Cas groaned, all ideas of slowness thrown right out of the window as he increased the rate of his thrusts. He hadn't let go of Dean's cock and he pumped him in time with his thrusts, Dean was coming completely undone, utterly wrecked, teetering on the verge of orgasm. Cas was nearly there himself, thrusting hard and fast, watching Dean's beautiful lust blown eyes rolling with pleasure. 'Cas! Fuck me harder! Harder Cas!' he begged and Cas was only to happy to oblige.

'Fuck, Dean! You feel so good!' Dean was muttering something unintelligible and then they were both cumming. 

'Cas-ti-el!' Dean shouted as Cas carried on fucking him, riding out his orgasm. 

'Dean!' Cas said, flopping down exhaustively on top of the other man. 

Dean stared up at him blearily, running his hands through his dark feathery hair again and he just couldn't help it, he rolled Cas onto his side and was kissing him again. Kissing him desperately, needily because maybe that was the best sex Dean ever had and maybe he couldn't wait to do it again and maybe he wanted to know that Cas was his now and they would be doing this every day, now and forever or at least, for a long time to come... and maybe Cas kissed him back greedily because he wanted to know it too... 

  


	12. Sunshine

After that they tried to back up a little, ease into a relationship at a slower pace but it was too late for that and they found themselves craving each others company almost constantly whenever they were apart. And when they were together they found it almost impossible to keep their hands off each other. 

Cas spent that first night in Dean's bed, neither willing to say goodbye just yet, both wanting the moment to last as long as possible. 

It was easy now, talking to each other, being close. No longer trapped by the usual social restrictions. They were wrapped up together, reaching out hands whenever they felt the need, kissing as soon as they felt the impulse, assuredly, without fear of rejection. And it felt so good, so right and they talked and talked. Mostly it was light hearted, easy conversation, an exchange of information, interspersed with giggles. But neither feared to venture into more serious territory, even painful subjects felt easier with each other than they ever had with anyone else. 

They fell asleep like that, wrapped up in each other, physically their limbs tangled beneath the duvet, facing one another. Mentally, their thoughts wound up around the other and the promise of a future with the other, always within reach... 

 

-

 

The following morning, Dean woke up grinning before he remembered why. He felt filled up with sunshine. 

And there was Cas. Stretched out besides him, hanging off the edge of the bed. He would be on the floor if Dean didn't have one strong arm wrapped tightly around him, preventing him from falling. Feeling guilty for taking up most of the bed, Dean shuffled back a little, dragging Cas's unconscious body with him, until he was lying more comfortably. 

Cas moaned a little but didn't wake up. Dean smiled lazily across at him before checking the time. 'Shit!' he'd slept in. He  _never_ slept in. _Never!_ He didn't even bother with an alarm clock, he normally woke up so early anyway. He guessed it had been so warm and comfortable with Cas in his bed that his body thought it would just snuggle up closer rather than wake itself up as per normal. He was going to be way behind with the baking though... 

 _At least there's that chocolate cheesecake in the fridge..._ he thought consolingly. 

'Hey, Cas...' he said softly, unwillingly to disturb him when he looked so peaceful. Nothing. 'Cas, baby...' he said, trying it out on his tongue. 

'Mm...?'

Dean smiled helplessly and leaned over, kissing his cheeks, his eye lids, his lips. Cas kissed back with a smile. 'Um... I'm gonna have to get ready for work...' 

Cas opened one blue eye and starred up at Dean, not fully comprehending. 'What?'

'Yeah, um... I have to get up...'

'What time's it?' he slurred, eyes blinking slowly. 

'Half seven,' he said and Castiel groaned, pulling the quilt over his head. Dean grinned. 'Well I'm normally up before six, so...' Cas groaned again and Dean actually laughed. 'Tell you what; you stay in bed. Get up when you're ready to... or when you need to get to work...' Cas pulled the quilt down but left his eyes stubbornly closed. 

'You sure? I can go...'

'Or you can stay. Just saying...' and with that he got out of bed and went for a shower. When he got out, Cas was still lying curled up on the side of the bed, gently snoozing so Dean guessed he had either decided to stay or passed out before he could make up his mind. 

Dean smiled down at him, not caring. He liked having him here. He quietly got dressed so as not to disturb him again and then, before leaving, kissed the mop of dark locks that were protruding from one end of the quilt.

 

-

 

When Cas emerged into the kitchen, about an hour and a half later, Dean was busily finishing off a key lime pie. He glanced up as the kitchen door opened and then did a double take, starring hard. 

Cas's blue eyes were still sleepy and his ordinarily windswept hair was a complete bed head of mess, sticking up every which way. It was all incredibly sexy and Dean had half a mind to take him back up to bed. He gave Dean a small unsure smile and Dean thought he was like a ray of sunlight.

'Hey,' he said, smiling back as he walked towards him.

'Good morning, Dean.'

'Yeah...' good didn't really do it justice. More like, _best morning ever!_ He closed the remaining space between them and kissed Cas softly, hands on either side of his face. 'Mmm...' Dean pulled up, starring, Castiel starred right back, taking in the beautiful moss green of Dean's eyes whilst Dean looked in wonder at Cas's stormy blue ones. 'Fuck, you're beautiful,' he found himself saying aloud.

Cas smiled, he'd never felt so at peace with the world. He kissed Dean again. 'I should probably get to work...' 

'Yeah... Um, d'you wanna try this first?' he motioned to the key lime pie with a waggle of eyebrows and Cas groaned at the sight of the biscuit base, thick lime filling and mound of freshly whipped cream. Dean removed himself from Cas's arms and walked back over to the pie, grating a little lime zest over the cream before cutting and plating a slice.

'I can't eat all that this early,' he complained.

Dean laughed, loading up a spoonful. 'You know it's after nine, right?' Cas groaned again, walking over to lean against Dean's side. Dean wrapped an arm around him, kissing his cheek. 'C'mon, just a spoonful,' he waved the spoon tantalisingly in front of his face.

'Okay, one spoonful,' he agreed, watching Dean's face as he brought the spoon up to Cas's lips, feeding him. Cas got a burst of tangy lime, crunchy biscuit and thick cream. He closed his eyes as he finished eating it. 'Actually,' he said as he swallowed. 'That's quite moreish.' Dean smiled, still starring at Cas's lips, particularly at a tiny bit of cream that had stuck in one corner and before he could help himself, he was pulling Cas closer to lick it off and then devouring his whole mouth with another kiss. Cas still tasted of limes.

'Mmm,' he moaned as Dean licked into his mouth. 

'D'you have time for a coffee,' Dean asked hopefully as he pulled away, starring at Cas's bright eyes.

'No,' Cas answered, reluctantly. 'If it's after nine then I really should be opening up shop - it's already later than usual...' 

Dean nodded understandingly. 'I can do you one to go though,' he said and they walked out into the café together. Dean stopped short when he saw Charlie. It seemed like, for a minute, he'd forgotten that there were other people in the world. And that Charlie started work at nine. 

She stared brightly between Dean and Castiel, a wide smile stretching across her face. 

'Um, morning Charlie,' he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

'Morning, Dean,' she said, grinning from ear to ear and starring pointedly at Cas, apparently waiting for an introduction. 

'Yeah, um... This is Cas...' he said finally. Castiel held up a hand sleepily, looking adorable. 'Cas, this is Charlie. Um, could you get Cas a coffee to go, Charlie?' 

'Sure thing!' she said still smiling. 

Dean talked quietly to Cas, leaning into his personal space. 'Could you maybe come back round at lunchtime?' he cringed at his own neediness but he wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet. 

Cas smiled, nodding. 'The morning will fly by,' he said knowingly, reassuringly, reaching out a hand to cup Dean's face. Dean leaned helplessly into his touch. 

'Here's your coffee,' Charlie said brightly from behind them and they broke apart. Cas took the cardboard cup from Charlie, gratefully and Dean walked him to the door. 

Cas didn't really want to leave, but the street was already quite busy. The rain seemed to be taking a break at last and apparently people were taking advantage with some retail therapy. If he didn't open soon, he might loose some much needed custom and Chuck was only due to start in the afternoon.

As Cas stepped out of the door, Dean pulled him quickly back in with a kiss. Cas smiled, pulling away and walking across the street, not needing to say goodbye, knowing he would be back. Dean stood watching him as he reached the book shop door and fumbled with his keys, the mirror of when Dean had seen him the previous evening. When he finally got the door open, he looked across the street and raised a hand, Dean waved back and then Cas was gone.

Dean went back into the café, a broad smile on his face that would be there for a long time. 

 

-

 

Sam hurried across the street to the bakery. He hadn't heard from Dean since the telephone conversation when he'd told him Castiel and Meg weren't actually together. 

Charlie was working again and she smiled as Sam approached her. 'Hey, is Dean about? I tried calling him yesterday but he didn't answer and-' He stopped babbling when he saw the amused expression on Charlie's face. 'What?'

She didn't say anything, just waggled her eyebrows suggestively and looked pointedly towards one of the window seats.

Sam turned to see what she was looking at. His big brother was sat hunched over the table, his eyes locked on the man sat opposite him, a wide smile on his face. The bookshop dealer was talking animatedly to Dean, he wasn't sat so far forward but he was playing with Dean's hands on the table. Beneath the table, their knees bumped happily against each other.

Sam starred for a second before turning back to Charlie. 'Um... so, when did _that_ happen?' 

'It's been going on all week, either he's in here or Dean's over at his bookshop.'

'Wow... well that was unexpected...'

'Tell me about it... I just started my shift on Tuesday-'

Sam cringed, 'I hate Tuesdays...'

'Oh-kaay,' said Charlie with a roll of her eyes. 'I won't even ask... Anyways, so next thing, Dean walks out of the kitchen, trenchcoat guy right behind him looking like he's just crawled out of bed, crazy sex hair and everything-'

'Right! Okay, I get it... Just a little too much information...' Charlie chuckled, apparently enjoying his discomfort. Sam looked back at his brother smiling. 'I've never seen Dean like that before.'

'I know, right! Total heart eyes! They've been starring at each other like that all week, all sappy and sweet. Totally gross!' she said with a wicked grin and Sam groaned. 

Meanwhile, Dean was pulling Cas closer across the table - he was just so cute when he talked passionately about something - and he was kissing him, unthinkingly. A moment later he remembered they were in a busy bakery, what's more,  _his_ busy bakery, packed in with the lunchtime crowd. But he found (surprisingly to himself) that he didn't care and carried on kissing him. If anyone had a problem with him and Cas, they could get out and to hell with them. 

Sam took his phone out of his pocket and said to Charlie, 'Just need to make a call to Kevin... he owes me fifty bucks!'

 

-

 

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon and Dean had left the bakery in Kevin's safe hands to spend some time across the road. They were stacking books together, it wasn't particularly interesting work but he didn't mind. He was with Cas. Cas smiled fondly across at Dean stood next to him, eyes squinted in concentration as he scanned through the book titles, looking for the right place to slot in the Vonnegut paperback he held in his palm. 'That's a good book,' Cas said as Dean slotted it home between Verne and Waugh. 'I think you'd probably like it.'

'Really?' asked Dean, pulling it out again and looking at it dubiously. 'Well, I guess I could give it a go...' Castiel smiled to himself as Dean read the blurb. He couldn't believe how things had turned out, it seemed like since that day (less than a week ago) when Dean had caught him in the rain, everything had slotted into place, like pieces in a perfect jigsaw puzzle. Dean set the Vonnegut aside for later and started browsing through the books for the next paperback he pulled out of the box. There fingers knocked together as they both found their spot and they realized with a glance at the other's book that they had picked up books by the same author. Dean grinned, stupidly and leaned over to kiss Cas, a chaste peck on the lips. Cas smiled back, feeling a little dazed.

'You know, that was kind of a little fantasy of mine...'

'What?' said Dean, pricking up his ears, suddenly very interested. 

'I just thought, what would it be like doing something really, I don't know... _dull_ , with you...' Castiel giggled slightly '...and I wound up imagining us stacking books together, knocking fingers accidentally together...' 

Dean full on guffawed, 'Seriously? You fantasize about doing  _dull_ things with me? Is that all?'

'I know it's stupid-'

'It's not stupid! Don't ever say that... it's just... when I fantasize about you... we're usually doing a little more than stacking books, if y'know what I mean.' Dean gave Cas a cheeky grin but it seemed to be lost on him.

'You... fantasize about me?' Castiel asked, perplexed.

Dean made a sort of 'pff' noise, ' _All_ the time! Are you kidding me?'

'What do  _you_ fantasize about, then?' Dean pulled up short at that, this could be a little embarrassing...

'I do have one fantasy that happens right here, actually. You remember...' he couldn't look at Cas now. 'Um, you remember that time I walked in on you... kissing Meg...' At last, he'd said it, it was out there. He chanced a quick glance at Cas wondering if he'd be irritated.

He didn't seem even remotely ruffled. 'Barely,' he said and Dean felt his heart soar. It really had been meaningless. 'I remember you dropping blueberry pie and running out the door. I remember feeling like hell afterwards...' He was starring directly at Dean, his cerulean eyes wide and sincere. Dean took hold of his hand and rubbed his thumb in circles against his palm, trying to rub reassurance into him.

'It doesn't matter... I was being an idiot...' Neither said anything for the moment, just let themselves get lost in each others faces. 

Castiel spoke first. 'What about your fantasy?'

'Oh, yeah... um, so basically that's it... you kissing me...'  _and fucking me_ , but he didn't say that bit aloud. '...up against a bookcase...' he tried to laugh it off but Cas was starring at him intently, pondering. There was only an hour left before closing and it had been quiet all day...

Without saying what he was doing, Castiel casually walked towards the door and swung the sign to closed. Dean wasn't watching him as he pushed the deadbolt across. 'Dean, would you come here a minute?' he asked, retreating to the far corner of the shop, far out of reach of any revealing windows. 

Dean rounded the bookcase at the end and stopped in front of Cas, 'Sup? Something you can't reach or-' but Cas jumped on him before he could get another word out. A full, passionate kiss that left Dean buzzing inside. 'Oh,' was all he managed to say when Cas pulled slightly away before diving back in and swinging him around into the bookcase behind them. Cas ground him back into the shelves with his pelvis and Dean groaned, already hard in his pants. 'Fuck, Cas!' he gasped before Cas was on him again, cleaning out his mouth with that clever tongue, whilst his hands worked there way down his chest. Dean gave back as much as he could, biting down on Cas's bottom lip, letting his hands roam up under Cas's shirt, tweaking a nipple and making Cas groan and thrust up against his cock again. 'Ca-as!' Dean gasped, pleadingly.

'Yes, Dean?'

'Uhh!' he said frustratingly as Cas gave several small grinds with his pelvis. 'Will you just touch me, please Cas?'

Cas smiled, watching Dean as he worked his jeans open and delved his hands inside, rubbing teasingly at his cock through his boxers before sliding them down just enough that he could get his cock out fully. He worked it up and down with his hands, enjoying the washed out look on Dean's face. 

Dean wasn't about to be the only one coming undone, he worked his own hands up against Cas's crotch, his fingers trembling slightly as he excitedly began to undue a button and release the fly. He didn't bother with the teasing, just put his hands straight into Cas's boxers and gave him a few long hard strokes before rubbing the head, which was already wet, with his thumb before bringing his thumb up to his mouth and sucking the pre-cum right off, watching Cas as he did so. Cas's eyes were utterly lust filled with the image and he pressed their cocks up together which sent sparks flying through both of them. He took hold of both of their leaking cocks and began to jerk them together, long and hard. Dean was already moaning something indecipherable and Cas found himself moaning out Dean's name on repeat.

They came at the same time and both men felt like they had been hit with an electric shock, seeing a white light behind their eyes before returning to normal, gasping into each others faces. 

 

-

 

Monday was a drag after that. They were spending so much time together now, that any time apart seemed to last half a lifetime. Dean was making banoffee pie. An easy favorite. He was still thinking about what had happened the day before in Cas's bookshop, a big cheesy grin on his face. He took the pie with him as he walked back into the café, singing along to whatever was playing on the radio. He didn't even know the words but he was so happy that he didn't care, just made up some random noises that sounded about right and went with it.

He bumped into Kevin behind the counter but just brushed him off with a grin, still singing. Kevin groaned - he was too tired for this - and went back to the customer he'd been serving. Dean could see a few empty tables with empty coffee cups on them, including (what he now fondly called) Cas's window seat. He gathered the cups together and looked up out of the window across the street.

His heart did a funny little jolt thing. Through the window of the bookshop, he could see Cas. He was starring across the road, directly at him. Their eyes locked. Cas smiled. Dean grinned and gave a silly little wave which made Cas's smile widen. And then the two of them were just stood there, starring goofily across the street at one another, smiling wide smiles that made passers by wonder. Not that Dean or Cas noticed. It was like they could only see each other. And for Dean it was like looking at a star and for Cas it was like starring into the sun.

 

-

 

They had both taken the day off, deciding on a well earned break. Chuck could handle the bookshop alone now and desperately wanted the extra hours. Whilst Kevin and Charlie worked together to keep things running at the bakery. And what did they do with their day? Spent most of it lounging around, mostly naked, in Dean's bed, spread out luxuriously across the comfortable memory foam, or else, tangled up tightly together. Smiling, kissing, laughing, teasing. Enjoying the silences as much as the funny little conversations. 

'I wonder... if things were different... for either one of us-' Cas began, he was on his side, propped up on one elbow, gently stroking along Dean's morning scruff.

'It wouldn't make a difference.' Dean answered before Cas could finish. He was lying flat on his back, his fingers grazing absentmindedly up the side of Cas's bare chest.

'What if we were both  _really_ different. If you were a - a...?'

'A hunter!'

'What?' asked Castiel, distracted by the quickness and surety of his answer.

'Like Bobby keeps saying about us going hunting sometime and I always make excuses - I couldn't do that in like a _million_ years!'

'Right. So if you were a - a  _hunter_ \- and I was a-' Castiel thought for a minute but once again, Dean got there faster.

'An angel!' he said with a smirk.

'What? An _angel?_ Why would I be an  _angel?_   That's even more ridiculous than you being a hunter!'

'Whatever. It wouldn't matter anyway... In _any_ other world. This would still be right - you and me.' And he wasn't sure how he knew it but he felt it in his bones, knew it to be true with every fiber of his being. 'No matter where we were, we would always find each other. No matter who we were we would always have this... I dunno...'

'This  _bond?'_

'Yeah.'

'Well  _that's_ kind of profound...' said Cas, dazedly starring down at Dean, unable to look away.

Dean grinned up at him. 'What? The _bond_? Or the whole, ' _in any other world_  ' thing?'

'Both, I guess...' Cas smiled widely at him and Dean felt his heart flutter in a way that it only ever did around Castiel and he found himself saying casually:

'An angel and a hunter - the greatest love story ever told...' he froze realizing what he had just said and glanced wearily at Cas who had the grace not to notice or at least not to draw any attention to the fact that he had noticed or was drawing any kind of conclusion from it. Dean felt a sudden rush of affection for him and this time said it deliberately and clearly. 'I love you, Cas.' Cas looked at him appraisingly, probably wondering whether to take him seriously. 'I fucking love you,' he sounded surprised this time as though he was wondering at the pronouncement himself. He starred at Cas, feeling a little dazed himself but also oddly free. 

'I know, Dean,' he said like it was only natural. And it was, easy as breathing, growing, living. 'I love you too.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for anyone who has read this, I hope you've enjoyed it. Please feel free to comment/criticize (or not) below as this is the first fan-fiction I've written and not sure how it reads to other people, if that makes sense. Thanks again, Jems xxx
> 
> (P.S. You can find me on Tumblr at: onceuponadestiel - feel free to browse and leave me a message :) Jems x)


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